Practically anyone who’s ever knocked back a shot knows that drinking has consequences. If you’re lucky, it means waking up with a splitting headache, permanent marker tattoos and a serious craving for a Bloody Mary. If you made a particularly bad decision and tried to drive yourself home, though, you may be waking up with a DUI. Driving under the influence is a bad call no matter where you live, but some states are particularly unkind to those that take the wheel with a belly full of booze. Get nailed in one of these states, and you won’t just wake up without your pride — you could wake up without your license, or worse.
1. Georgia. It may be the “Peach State,” but Georgia’s DUI laws are anything but sweet. If you get nailed with a DUI in this southern state, you won’t be driving drunk again for a long time — in fact, you won’t be driving at all. Georgia has some of the strictest DUI laws around — your first offense could lose you your license for four months, and your second could cost you a year and a half. Drive responsibly, or you’ll be whistling “Dixie” all the way to the bus stop for quite some time.
2. Florida. Florida is a vacation destination for all ages, from dads in plaid Bermuda shorts to rowdy co-eds in barely anything at all. If you’re in the driver’s seat under the influence, though, you’re going to get nailed. Even a first offense DUI down in the sunshine state will strip you of your license for at least four months, as well as costing you up to $2,000 and landing you in the clink for up to nine months — probably not quite the getaway you had in mind.
3. Iowa. In Iowa, a DUI is called an OWI, for “operating while intoxicated.” Just like the Bard said, though, “A rose by any other name will still make you lose your license for at least six months.” Whether you call it a DUI or an OWI, it’s still a b-a-d idea. If you get in an accident, you’ll be stuck installing an ignition interlock device on your car, giving you all the fun and indignity of a breathalyzer test every time you have to run to the store.
4. Tennessee. If you get nailed for a DUI in Tennessee, hopefully you don’t have anywhere you have to be within the next year or so. Getting busted here — even just one time — means losing your license for a year and spending up to 11 months in the slammer. It’ll give you plenty of time to study for DUI school, which you’re also required to attend if you’re caught drunk behind the wheel.
5. South Carolina. Getting busted in South Carolina means losing your license for six months, but on the bright side, you could spend up to three of those months in jail — and hey, you aren’t driving anywhere anyway. Of course, there are worse consequences. South Carolina has one of the highest rates of drunk driving deaths per capita in all 50 states, so getting nailed by a highway patrolman could be a good thing — of course, not as good as finding a reliable designated driver or calling a cab.
While some states are tougher on drunk drivers than others, no judge looks on it kindly, and you’re always better off playing it safe. “DUI laws exist to help people exercise good judgement,” says San Diego criminal defense attorney David Shapiro. “They keep people safe, whether or not they’re behind the wheel.” So whether you’re tailgating at the stadium, dominating in a game of Polish Horseshoes or guzzling grog down at ye olde renaissance faire, always remember to keep your keys in your pocket and out of your ignition.