Tips for Writing Wedding Vows

As an officiant of many weddings, I have helped couples choose all kinds of ways to do their vows. As I always tell them, it is the most important part of the ceremony, so make sure that you get it just as you want it. Some decide to use the tried and true “to love and to honor until death” vows. Others, usually the more creative types, often write them completely from scratch. Here are several tips to keep in mind if you find yourself more in the latter category and want to make your vows more your own.

1. Take a look at some of the tried and true ways of saying wedding vows. You might not want to have the same words, but the ideas are tried and true for a reason. Ideas like cherishing and honoring, and the commitment to them in good and bad times, are what marriage is all about. Take the ideas and try creating them in your own words and with your own flavors. After all, the ideas in traditional vows did not become tradition without a lot of thought, and it is usually the way they are said that needs to be re-created.

2. Don’t make them too long. Vows should be simple so that you and those around you know exactly what you are promising to each other. The more complex the vows become the less power they have and the more they get diluted in an over-stated attempt to show your love. Short and sweet really does make sense here.

3. Make sure to write them together. Many couples like to keep them secret until the wedding so it will be “more romantic”. The only problem is that then your future spouse really doesn’t know what you are promising in this marriage. Save the personal words for another point in the wedding, write your commitments together and make sure that what you are promising is what your spouse-to-be needs to hear.

4. Print out your vows and hang them in your home in an artistic frame. I know, it doesn’t really relate to writing your vows, but these are words you should never forget. And when you face tough times, it is important to have them close. This also helps you with the first three tips of keeping them simple, short, and where both of you can see them.

At the end of the day, these words are the most important in your wedding ceremony. They are why you invite friends to hear them and hold you to them. Take your time in both writing them and saying them. They are the framework of all you will build together.


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