No is probably one of the words that a child hears most often next to hearing their name. We say no so many times that we even have variations for the word no. The variations result from our children persistence in pestering us into saying yes. Sometimes we are not dealing with children, but with a spouse or relative. The first variant of no is what is called the Alternative No. This no means that it can possibly turn into a yes. Sometimes we have no intention of saying yes, but our Alternative No is a way to stave off further pestering from our children.
Alternative No’s
Not right now
Not now
Maybe later
We’ll see
I’ll think about it
If you behave (knowing full well the child will not behave long enough for a yes)
Then we have the No With Conditions. This no will be turned into to a yes if behavior or requirements are met. Sometimes we make the stakes so high that we know that our no will never be turned into a yes. A No With Conditions is effective in fending off a child’s persistent badgering.
No’s With Conditions :
When your room is clean
When you do your chores
If you do well on your test
If you leave me alone for five minutes
If you behave when we go in this store.
There are requests from our children that get a serious no from us, so serious that it is a No With Consequences. We usually issue one of these when our child tells us that they are going to do the act that we have already said no to. They challenge our no and we rebut them with a No With Consequences.
A No With Consequences :
Don’t even think about it
Not on your life
Over my dead body
You’ll be sent to your room if you do
You do and I will take away television and computer
Lastly this last no is the one that children immediately listen to. The no that no child ever wants to hear. The one that parents seldom use, but when they do, the child immediately responds, which is what this no is intended to do. This is called The Horror Filled No.
The Horror Filled No
This is simply NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO screamed as loud as the word can be screamed, backed with all of the emotion a person can muster, such as when a small child is about to insert a butter knife into an electrical outlet, or about to walk behind a moving car. We also utter a variant of the Horror Filled No when our children have been relentless in their pursuit of a yes and pummeled us mercilessly. Children of all ages rarely hear this no but when they do, no matter who the child is, they stop dead in their tracks. They know this is the most serious no and your screaming it with such intense emotion catches their attention.
It would be nice if as parents we can just say no and the matter is ended. That would make our parenting simple. Parenting may be many things, but it is never simple and thus evolved the variations for the word no.
For more on parenting from Erika Grey see:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8388369/three_keys_for_dealing_with_difficult.html?cat=25
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8231409/what_a_parent_needs_to_know_about_anxious.html?cat=25
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8387199/ten_healthy_snacks_for_children.html?cat=25