From the time I was six until I was fourteen years old I was mentally, physically and sexually abused by my mothers’ husband and found myself with nowhere to live my junior/senior year during high school. Even at a very young age, necessity forced me to realize it was imperative to isolate myself from my family. Though deeply hurt and feeling emotionally distressed I wanted to die but I decided not to give up on me. And trust me, I have tried countless times to commit suicide. The psychological implication that comes from being sexual abused is very complex and it’s a topic that I wish to study further in order to gain even more understanding.
Here I was thinking that it was my determination and motivation that kept me going all these years, but it was really God who gave me the strength and courage to go on. For 22 years of my life, I was a depressed soul, blamed myself for being sexually abuse and looked for love in all the wrong places. As a result, I developed a pattern of working several jobs simultaneously in order to keep my sanity. I guess that wasn’t a bad habit to develop after all. Feeling very lonely due to lack of emotional support, there were days, I would literally cry all day and night. I was in a very dark place and fighting my demons. And what’s funny is that most people who know me really thought I had it all together back then.
Nonetheless, before I started graduate school, I asked God for joy, peace, and love. He gave me just that. I could never repay him for he gave me something that is entirely priceless. I know people that it took decades to attain joyfulness. So for that alone, I am truly blessed and grateful. Once thing I have learned through it all is, if you are looking for joy, seek God because only he can give you that authentic and genuine love. These days, if I were to shed any tears, it would not be due to my circumstance, rather, how far God has brought me. God is my mother, father and best friend. I rely on him for everything.
Now at the age 24, I am completely healed and filled with joy. God has been my therapist. He has totally transformed my life! For once, I love me. After getting baptized last year, I became a brand new woman. Hence, this blog is for all the broken men and women out there. The best way to break free is by talking to somebody about the abuse and ask God for healing. Once you let it out, trust me, you will feel a whole lot better. At first, you will feel a bit awkward, but it’s worth it. Also, use your situation as a mean to motivate yourself to reach your goals and true calling(s). I plan to utilize my situation to empower young women whom have gone through similar trials and tribulations.
Thus, I want you know that you must forgive those who have done you wrong in order to move forward with your life. Dwelling on your past circumstances will not make your situation any better. Seek God for peace, understanding and joy.
Blessings and peace,