I look like every other woman. I come from a big Italian family filled with lots of kids. When I married at 24 years of age I never thought that I would be 35 years old when I finally had my children. I have likely been through every infertility test and treatment. After four infertility clinics, more than twenty doctors, the best diagnosis that I could get was a cross between unexplained infertility and poor egg quality. I am happy to say that I have twin boys that are three years old now but I share this struggle with you so that maybe you too can beat the odds.
After a year of marriage we decided to start trying to have a family. Just like everyone else we thought you just started trying without contraception and magically you got pregnant. After about a year, we sought the advice of our OBGYN who recommended Clomid. After several months with no success a trusted family member who had been through a horrible battle with infertility kindly helped me seek the help of a reproductive endocrinologist at an infertility clinic. We began with a routine barrage of tests and then jumped into actually treatment. The testing involves blood work, ultrasounds, a physical examination, a saline sonogram and a hystersalpinogram to make sure you don’t have blocked Fallopian tubes. Everything was normal, which actually made me depressed because we couldn’t find a reason for why I wasn’t getting pregnant.
I was unprepared for the commitment it would take to go through infertility cycles at a clinic. I was a young teacher, new to my job and still in denial that I even had a problem. When you go through treatment at a clinic you have to get to the clinic in the wee hours of the morning for testing so they know how to adjust the hormones they give you. This means you have to be to the clinic (to wait in line) by 6 AM so that you can even attempt to make it to work on time. You also have to have sticks to draw blood very frequently, so the veins in your arms become bruised and weak. You must also have frequent ultrasounds. All of this while on hormones that put you on an emotional roller coaster.
We tried three IUI (intrauterine insemination) with no success. This roughly took a year. Then we started the testing. A hysteroscopy, a laproscopy and still no answers. Depression started to take hold and we took a year off to try another clinic. The new clinic suggested IVF (in-vitro fertilization). Now I had to learn how to give myself needles (both small and very large) which became a bit painful. We did IVF cycles for the next three to four years with no success. I had found refuge in Resolve of New Jersey where I met other women who had similar struggles and some success stories. I did tons of my own research as a biologist on protocols to boost egg production for IVF cycles. The constant roller coaster of hormones, running to clinics, interruptions to my job and toll on my emotions became too great. I couldn’t even attend baby showers for friends or family because it simply broke me to piece to think I’d never ever know the joy of my own baby.
I gave up for a long time to save myself and my marriage. I went back to school for master’s work in education. I accepted my dream job in education with a huge promotion to a department chairperson. I decided to use the last IVF trial however that was due to me through the NJ Family Building Act that allowed me one more cycle. I got lucky. I had the very first good cycle in ten years and I was soon pregnant with twins. We used one of the protocols I had researched. I would like to think it happened because I cleared my mind and gave up to fate. After ten years, my miracle finally came and no mother will ever be more grateful for her children than I am today.