Each spring, as the world comes back to life, freeing itself from the iron grip of howling winds and cold winters, a pair of birds makes their home on my back porch. For the next few weeks, I enjoy the sounds of chirping during the nest-construction process, and check on my little friends each day, like clockwork. Soon after construction is complete, the mama bird ushers in a tiny clutch of offspring. The chirping of two carefree love birds is echoed by the chirps of little hatchlings. From that day, until the day they leave the nest I watch the parents nurture them, bring them food, keep them warm and safe on chilly nights and, eventually, I watch the young ones grow up. I watch from my porch window, with breathless anticipation as the mama bird pushes her offspring from the nest, just as nature intended .
Where am I going with this?
I liken myself to the mama bird. While my fledglings can stay in the nest until they are ready to fly , sometimes they need a little nudge. Other times, they need a flat out push.
What’s so awful about a little pushing?
Lately, I have become hyper-aware of parents who refuse to “push” their kids in any capacity. I have met 19-year-old boys who are unemployed, not going to school, do not help with the house work (even though they are perfectly capable of helping), but who are still living with mommy and daddy, playing video games in their underwear all day long.
Push.
I have also met “adult children” nearing 25-years-of age who still live with mom and dad because they “want to”. The kid is gainfully employed , she maintains adult relationships, but she prefers a life free of obligations, bills and any “real” responsibility.
Push.
Most recently, I met a set of kids whose parents are so against pushing, that their daughter is 14 and pregnant, their son just got arrested for selling drugs, but mom and dad refuse to tell either sprog what to do, because they “don’t want to push ” them. They would much prefer to bail them of the clink out and take on the financial responsibility of a grandchild from their high school sophomore who may (now) not even bother graduating .
Push them, nudge them, but do something.
Personally, I am an enormous proponent of the push. I am not a giver of options. In my house, you will get acceptable grades, you will do your chores, and you will do something useful in life for the betterment of society. Under my roof, you will volunteer and do community service, you will learn the value of earning money and you will respect your fellow man. My nest, my rules. If you don’t like it, push off.
What does all this pushing get me? So far pushing gave me two kids with multiple college acceptance letters, full-ride scholarships and the blessing of knowing two of the most well-behaved and mature teenagers I have ever met. In fact, they are so keen to fly the coop that I don’t even need to nudge them out of the nest next fall. If I watched a mama bird like me, while sipping coffee one morning, I’d say I did just my job quite well.
Now fly.
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