How to be friends with an unrequited love
OK, here you are madly in love with a friend of yours. Maybe you have been friends for a short time, and have developed a crush, or perhaps it’s a close friend whom you have suddenly realized is fantastic. There’s only one problem, you suspect it isn’t mutual, and you don’t know what to do. You want to remain friends, but protect your own feelings as well. This article will explain how to do just that, and help you move on and find someone who does love you.
It isn’t going to happen: The first step is to realize and accept that they don’t feel the same way you do, and you have no control over that. You have to abandon any idea that you can’t control or influence how the other person feels.
Don’t confess: This assumes that you haven’t already told them you have feelings for them, if you have; now they know. If you haven’t explicitly told them, chances are very good that they already know. When we develop feelings for people we can help but give off signs, chances are they have noticed these signs, and aren’t reacting to them for a reason. You may also think you owe it to them to tell them how you feel, you don’t, and it isn’t fair to place your feelings on them.
You already know what answer you are going to get: This can be one of the hardest things to accept, but it’s true. Right now, as you are reading this, you know what answer you will get if you make a move. If you are not absolutely certain its yes, it’s no.
If you have gotten as far as recognizing that it isn’t going to happen, the next step is to learn manage your own feelings. Sooner or later, your friend will find someone they like, and chances are this will be very upsetting for you, even if you are happy for them. Everyone gets jealous, and everyone suffers heartbreak in their life, usually several times. Here are some steps to protect your emotions:
Avoid being around them when they are with their boyfriend/girlfriend: Seeing them with someone who isn’t you is one of the hardest things to deal with. The best way to deal with this is to simply make yourself scarce when they are alone together. If they want you to come out, just tell them you have other plans, you would feel like a third rail etc. It’s unlikely they will be around each other every minute of every day, so spend time with them when you get the chance to do so one on one.*
Don’t fixate on things that give you false hope: People will often try to look for signs and signals they get from other people, maybe it’s something they said or did. Something to make you think they were hinting at something, perhaps a joke or a comment or perhaps a compliment. They aren’t hinting at anything, remember, they already know you like them (see rule 2). If they like you back, they will tell you.
Find someone else: The last step is to recognize that if you keep trying, you will find someone who you love, and who loves you back. It happens all the time, usually when we least expect it. The only way for that to happen is to keep yourself from getting bogged down on someone you can’t have.
I hope this advice helps you acknowledge and come to terms with your crush, so that you can get over it and still maintain a close friendship with a person you care deeply about. If you are strong enough, and persistent, you will find the right person for you. Everyone get’s their heartbroken, it’s part of life. Chances are this isn’t the first time you have felt this way about someone, so it won’t be the last. How well you are able to deal with your feelings is what will determine whether you find the right person for you.
*Take this one with a grain of salt. You don’t want to become a hermit, but realize that it may be difficult for you to see them together, and decide if you really want to be around them or not.