Book Interview: Married to the Enemy

In our society men and women are raised according to their gender, which while that may seem okay it can have a negative impact on the martial relationship a couple has with one another. To help us understand this concept and for tips on how a married couple can have a healthier relationship, psychotherapist and book author Dawn K. Kozarian has written a book called, Married to the Enemy.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

“I am a Licensed Mental Health and Nationally Board Certified Counselor. I am currently in private practice and finding success in working with couples and individuals recovering from a break-up, or divorce. My practice is located on the northwest side of Indianapolis, Indiana. I have considerable training in ACT therapy (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). ACT is a researched based therapy that is intended to create enough psychological flexibility that a person feels empowered to make a choice towards his valued life. I understand from a professional and personal perspective the challenges that come with marriage, divorce, raising children, and blending families.”

What made you decide to write the book “Married to the Enemy”?

“My first husband and I had a storybook meeting and wedding. However, several years into the marriage I felt such a lack of love and concern for my well-being. I came to see his actions fitting more with an enemy than a friend. My most important goal in life was to have an intact family, but I did not know how this was going to happen in the atmosphere that I was living in. As I became stronger, more independent and a happier woman, this seemed to have an adverse effect on my husband. This compelled me to look at how the gender messages we grew up with may have impacted our ability to let go of the power struggle and develop a friendship. Several years later I married Mark James who saw what I saw in the damaging effects of divisive and excessive gender expectations. So together we gave birth to this book: Married To The Enemy.”

What is the book “Married to the Enemy” about?

“While research demonstrates that both men and women believe the quality of their relationship is better when they experience their mate as a friend; Married To The Enemy is about the reality of how our culture seems to have an incessant drive to divide the two sexes. This pitting the sexes against each other and the creation of extraneous gender traits can create a human disconnect that often leaves us feeling like we are in some kind of chess match fighting to win something, instead of loving, trusting, cooperating, and seeing the friend in the other. In the book we try to first demonstrate the reality of this chasm, that is so prevalent in our society, then we discuss ways to release the extra gender baggage and open the door to value our partner as human-beings who also struggle with life issues. Ultimately, the book will assist in leading a couple to a richer and more authentic love relationship.”

Who can benefit from reading “Married to the Enemy”?

“Our gender belief systems generally run below the surface and can quietly erode what may have otherwise been a very good relationship. This book is a must read for those not yet in a relationship, in the early part of a relationship, or well along the relationship and identify with the title. When one brings the destructive thoughts to awareness this will empower the reader to make choices in their love relationship that will make it more respectful and honoring, which in turn will give it a higher chance at longevity. Many books will devote paragraphs or chapters to the topic, but our book is entirely devoted to the subject of gender issues. So people do not feel alone in this struggle, we open ourselves to sharing our own thought processes and experience to the impact of being raised in two different cultures.”

Thank you Dawn for doing the interview on your book called, “Married to the Enemy”. For more information about Dawn K. Kozarian or her book you can check out her website at www.KozarianCounseling.com.


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