Ain’t Love Grand?

I’ve never had much luck on Valentine’s Day. There was always something about that time of year that threw me off my game. Well, I never had a game to begin with, but you know what I mean.

My first-ever relationship was with a alcoholic-stoner. All she would do would be come home and get high or drunk – sometimes even both. While I have nothing against drinking or smoking, she took it to the extreme. On Valentine’s Day I came home to her laying on the couch, passed out, with a giant hole burned into the back of the couch. My first thought was to wake her up. Unfortunately, she was a heavy sleeper when she would pass out from alcohol consumption. I did not know that at the time, so when I could not wake her I assumed she was dead. I started freaking out, threw the flowers I had bought half-way across the room, dialed 911, and sat on the floor waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Turns out she was alive, but had a severe case of alcohol poisoning. Once she was released from the hospital, she was stuck with a hefty medical bill that I was kind enough to help her pay off. A week later, she left me.

I was in love with that girl since grade school and had a very hard time letting her go, even though she treated me very poorly. The next year around Valentine’s Day I received an email from her with the title “I love you!” My heart skipped a beat or two and I quickly opened up hoping she had realized her mistake and wanted me back. Naturally, I discovered it was a chain-mail sent to thirty plus people with a photo of cupid attached. Adorable.

The year after I found this really nice girl and we really hit it off. We were dating for only about a week before Valentine’s Day, so we decided she shouldn’t go out of our way for the holiday. We decided something less romantic and more ‘friend-ish’ was in order, like a movie. During the movie I received a text messaged from – surprise – my ex. This time it wasn’t a mass massage. In it she confessed her love for me and how she wanted to give us another shot. I was shocked, but not about to give up my current relationship for her. That night I found out how easy it is to get accused of fooling around. My girlfriend saw the text while I was reading it and threw a fit. She left me over it. An hour later I got a text message from my first ex. It read, “Oops. Wrong number!”

Ain’t love grand?


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