ADHD School Daze

Full disclosure: I am the parent of a beautiful, bright and brilliant trouble-maker. He is a regular in the principal’s office. The entire school staff (including parent volunteers!) know him by name. He is “that kid” – the one you tell your children to stay away from, the one they make fun of on the playground, the one who doesn’t get invited to birthday parties. He has ADHD, and we struggle with it every single day of the year.

Navigating the murky waters of school isn’t easy for any child, and letting them get their feet wet is difficult for every parent. But when your child is labeled from the get-go, it can be nothing short of a nightmare. It doesn’t have to be quite so hard. With a bit of foresight, preparation, and a lot of grin-and-bear-it, you can ensure your ADHD child has the best year possible.

Start early. You know your child better than anyone – their likes, dislikes, and needs. Before the school year ever begins (and preferably before the previous year has ended), request a meeting with your school’s principal. Explain your child’s strengths and weaknesses. Ask for recommendations regarding teachers and classes. Discuss how problems will be handled and how discipline will be administered. Do not be afraid to offer suggestions or ask to be consulted during the year. Having a game plan before the year begins offers everyone peace of mind.

Talk to your child. Explain to them what will be expected of them. If possible, take them to meet their new teacher a few days before school begins. Ask for a copy of the classroom rules and expectations at that time, and review it with your child in the days leading up to the new school year. Role-play with your child any situations that you think might cause problems. Discuss proper classroom behavior and implement a reward/consequence system to be put into place once the year begins.

Enlist help. Public schools have a wealth of support staff, from behavioral specialists to school nurses to counselors. Seek them out. If your child has an existing diagnosis, ask about the possibility of an IEP – an individualized education program that will legally define everything from what to do when your child gets in trouble to any special accommodations they are entitled to.

Communicate – all the time. With everyone, not just your child’s classroom teacher. Ask anyone who has regular contact with your child to send a weekly or bi-weekly report on their behavior. Ask the teacher about the possibility of a daily reporting system. It can be something as simple as a smiley face or a sad face on a scrap of paper – anything to tell you how your child is doing. Check in monthly with the principal. Make sure everyone knows you are willing to do whatever needs to be done to help your child succeed.

Be positive and enlist others to do the same. For the ADHD child, it can seem like life is just one big correction. No matter where they go, people are barking criticism at them. “Sit still, be quiet, settle down.” It’s the ADHD mantra, and it gets old after awhile. Catch them doing something right, and encourage school staff to do the same. Compliments go farther than criticism.

Check in. Surprise your child by showing up for lunch. Volunteer in their classroom one afternoon a week. Show them that you are invested in their education. When they start seeing Mom and Dad in the classroom, they begin to understand that school is as important as you’ve always told them it was. If nothing else, your presence reassures them that someone is in their corner.

Discuss the day – every day. Ask how their day was. Don’t accept “Okay” or “Fine” for an answer. Ask them to tell you three positives and one negative. Discuss the negative and how it could be turned into a positive. Remind them every day how proud you are of their successes.

School is not easy, and school for the ADHD child is often hard. Parental involvement is the quickest and most effective way to start turning the bad days upside down.


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