My parents really don’t get me, not one bit. It’s like we speak a different language. I suppose it’s not an unusual fifteen year-old adolescent complaint. Take this morning for an example. Well, actually any morning for that matter. They all start off the same, and I’m not the morning type. If sleeping were a competitive sport, I would be a challenge to be reckoned with.
I can hear my Mom now yelling at me from the kitchen. “Brodie, get out from under those covers. Don’t make me come in there”!
I have to get up every morning and help my Dad take out the trash. Since I have to be outside anyway, I take this opportunity to scout around and make sure the home front is secure. I don’t know why I am so anal about this; I must have been a security guard in my last life. I always make sure our car is still in the driveway and that the stereo remains intact. Although not sure I’d miss it that much since my parents always get the choice of music, which is not anything I can remotely relate to. I do love that car though and my parents almost always let me have the best seat. It’s the ‘one up’ I have on Krystal and Tommy. They, on the other hand get to lie around in bed while I’m out taking care of business. Seems all they ever care about is who can get to the breakfast table first!
Tommy and Krystal are my seventeen year-old twin brother and sister. They seem to think that because they arrived on the scene first, they are especially privileged. It would appear so too, since I’m the one who has trash and security duties! Krystal is all right some of the time and mostly ignores me. However, I get the feeling Tommy is always waiting to throw a punch at me or put his foot out to trip me when I walk by. I’m convinced that Mr. and Miss High & Mighty just tolerate me for Mom and Dad’s sake, and wish I were never born! Well, born I was, and it’s not my fault my parents gave me such a geeky name to begin with. Broderick……Who the heck pins a name like that on a kid these days? Brodie is okay I guess. Though it does sound like a dog’s name. No wonder the twins treat me like one! But it is a darn sight better than Broderick.
After breakfast, I like to hang out with my Dad when he isn’t working, maybe play a little ball. Dad doesn’t throw so well. So I spend a lot of time chasing his lousy pitches. Of course my catcher’s mitt isn’t the greatest either. Today was no different, and I quickly bored of the game. If nothing else, we got a little exercise. It’s barely ten in the morning, and I’m already looking forward to my nap. Dad is probably the only one who can compete with me in the sleeping department. This works for me because he allows me to get away with a lot of napping too. Mom hates all the daytime sleeping and discourages it every chance she gets. But, I have a few slick hiding places so I can sleep in peace most of the time.
After sneaking in my mid-morning nap, I begin to feel really antsy. Time to get out of the house; napping just energizes me. Maybe my friend Joxer is up and about? He seems to be just lazing around this summer too. Joxer and I are a bit different but we are best buds! He’s a little older than me, and opposite in build. He’s tall and sturdy looking, while I’m quite a bit shorter. Some say that we look like Mutt and Jeff palling around together. We do have our funny names in common; seems Joxer is a nickname taken from some old time super hero his Dad likes. Joxer’s Dad is in a wheelchair and the two of them live alone. Although his Dad gets around pretty well on his own, Joxer likes to keep an eye on him. I bet his Dad likes the idea of a super hero watching his back.
I banged on Joxer’s door and his Dad let him out for a while. We wandered the neighborhood seeing what kind of trouble we could stir up. Then we went across the street from Joxer’s and hooked up with another friend we call Slinky because he’s so darn skinny. Joxer and I are always trying to engage him into our activities; like eating for one, hoping to fatten him up so as not to make us look bad. Our parents all seem to be on this kick of watching our weight! Actually, Slinky wasn’t so slinky not so long ago! But that was before his parents put him on a diet. Now, he thinks he’s all that since he’s trimmed down! We still dig him though because we know the old Slinky is still in there somewhere!
We didn’t really have a game plan and were just roaming the neighborhood checking out the driveways for any cool new cars, when soon enough trouble found us. Along comes what we like to call ‘the knucklehead threesome’. The three brothers are not so much trouble really. We just think they are stuck up. They always seem to be parading around with their mother showing off their athletic ability. Their skills make us look like the do-nothings that we are most of the time. We should probably be kinder, since they don’t have a Dad. Maybe their Mom just wants to keep them tough by involving them in sports. They are kind of arrogant though, and Slinky doesn’t care for them much. So he slunk on home when they showed up at our favorite near-by park. He’s not the most social guy in the world and was glad to have an excuse to leave anyway. We always tease him about having a social anxiety disorder but he’s so anti-social he doesn’t seem to care!
I was feeling another nap coming on, so I finally dismissed myself as well and went on my way home. I crept into the house hoping not to run into Mom who always wants to talk to me and see what I’ve been doing. Or, she’ll check out my hair to see if I need a haircut. I let her fuss with me for a few minutes, and then high-tailed it to my den for another nap before supper.
I woke up from my nap just in time for supper. Mom’s cooking is okay but what I really look forward to is dessert. We don’t always have one every night because of the health kick Mom is always preaching. And, if it were up to my Dad, we’d eat nothing BUT dessert! But it’s on tonight, a special treat and my favorite, vanilla ice cream!!
Well, that’s how my day went, and now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t be complaining so much; yap, yap, yap…………I mean heck, I have the life of a well cared for dog! I have a dog’s life for crying out loud. Oh, that’s right, I am one!!!
My real name is Auggie and I’m the best cutest weenie dog on the block! My brother and sister are really cats from the same litter. And my parents really do take VERY good care of me. And, oh yeah, my parents are human. What a menagerie!!