Sometimes I cannot help but roll my eyes at the things I hear at parent conferences. Not one to keep a steady poker face, my involuntary facial “tics” have been the reason for getting myself in hot water before. As a younger more plucky educator, one parent called me out about my eye-rolling in the middle of a heated debate about the angelic nuances of their oft-rebellious daughter. But maybe second guessing what one says before actually saying it would be sage advice for parents to follow. So what utterances should one avoid to keep credibility parent wise?
1. What should I do about my son / daughter?
Honestly, I do not have children. At least not yet. But even if I did, it would be ill-advised for me to consider giving professional parenting advice. I have limited knowledge (if any) regarding a child’s home life. I see a typical student a couple of hours per day five days a week. It is not in my domain to provide expert counseling to hapless and bewildered parents. I understand the heartbreak and lost hours of sleep that can come from parenting, but this question put forth at conference-time is, at best, vague and uncomfortable. And what if my advice backfires? Then the blame finger can be pointed directly at the educator. This is a very compromising position to be in.
2. Why is he only having trouble in your class?
I had a teacher in seventh grade math named Ms. Young. I disliked her and gave her the hardest time. Why? Well, one of my “intuitive” reasons was because I could not stand her penciled eyebrows. They made her look mean and severe. What can I say? I was an incorrigible brat with no logic. I judged based on appearance. I formed opinions without getting to know the teacher first. I was, in essence, a typical middle school student. I did not need a reason to act out. I just did. Karma has caught up to me now and I have students who hand-pick me to rebel in my class. Is it my hair? My voice? The way my name tag hangs the wrong way no matter how often I fix it? Who knows. But sometimes this is the case, and this makes question #2 a tricky one to answer. Come on too defiant and a parent will feel disrespected. Come on too soft and the parent will see you as a pushover, thus validating in their mind why their son or daughter is having problems in your class.
3. I would not want your job.
Gee thanks. I can feel the love with this particular sentiment. But truth be told, I would not want to change my career for anything. There is never a dull moment and one can learn a lot from their own students. This statement lends nothing in a parent conference and in most cases loses the intended reason of calling a conference in the first place.
4. I want a daily e-mail about my child’s progress.
Ah technology! Thanks to progress, I know longer have to type articles and stories on a word processor. But with progress comes pain. The unintentional consequences can sometimes create more work. And nothing will send a wave of nausea more than this statement towards the end of a parent conference. Imagine, for a moment, if every parent wanted a daily e-mail. I would need an extra planning period just to send e-mails. In a middle school setting, a weekly progress report is a more justifiable request. A checkoff list would suffice at the elementary school level. But a daily update? As a teacher of over 120 students in six different classes, I would have to be downing more Tylenol and Mountain Dew than one can fathom.
5. You need to provide extra credit so my child can pass your class.
Somewhere down the winding educational road it became the general assumption that a teacher must provide their students with extra credit assignments. I am not an advocate of this. If a student knows that extra credit opportunities are available, they might choose not to try so hard on an assignment the first time around, knowing that he or she can use the extra credit as a fail-safe option. I have had parents coming to me with 2 weeks left in the school year demanding extra credit despite the fact their child did nothing the previous 34 weeks in class. Sometimes, no amount of extra credit can make up for this amount of lethargy. A basketball team will probably not come back from a 40 point deficit late in the fourth quarter.
Some of these statements stem from parent desperation. Others might be examples of Mom and Dad wanting control over a situation they do not quite understand. But none of these all too often quotes bring squeals of delight amongst the teaching ranks. While the importance of parental meetings can never be underestimated, conversation killers like these make as much sense as discriminating against someone based on poorly penciled eyebrows.
More from this Contributor:
5 Phrases your Child’s Teacher Does Not Want to Hear
Teachers: Take your Arguments out of Students View
The Benefits of a Grade “Safety Net”