Supporting a Biracial Child’s Racial Identity

Nearing the birth of my oldest daughter, my mother-in -aw warned me of the challenges that I would face as an African American mother of biracial children. She spoke of the low esteem and the isolation associated with being biracial. I dismissed her concerns, as I believed they were based on the life experiences of one who had never known a biracial person and concepts from one of her favorite movies, “Imitation of Life”.

Fast forward, ten years of parenting, and I have learned that my mother-in-law wasn’t entirely wrong. Raising a biracial child does have the added challenge of fostering and supporting a unique racial identity that is not necessarily in the forefront of parenting in a mono-racial home.

Parents of biracial children should take some steps to ensure that their child develops a strong racial identity that cannot be shaken by the biases of others. Through the questions of my own children and conversations with other mothers of biracial children, there have been some concepts that have been helpful in my own child rearing process.

Don’t pretend that your child is mono-racial – I’ve heard many mothers say that they tell their children to racially identify themselves with the parent of color because this is how others will see them anyway. I believe that this practice can have adverse effects. It begins to teach a child that it is not the Truth that I know about myself that is important, but rather the Truth as others see it that matters most. How then can you teach them to uphold the belief system of your family in the face of others who disagree when you have already taught them that the opinion of others outweigh those beliefs?

Instead, create a household that embraces both races. Extended family is very important in this area. Make sure that biracial children know that they are loved by both sides of the family. In some cases this isn’t possible, so form alternate relationships with supportive people of both races.

Avoid generalizations in your conversations – Parents are often embarrassed when a small child repeats something inappropriate in public that they have heard at home. We begin to self monitor our speech in front of our children. Include racial generalizations into this self monitoring process. Parents of biracial children are no more exempt from racial generalizations than anyone else. Be aware of your biases and attempt to not pass these on to your children.

Don’t avoid tough questions – Once you begin to have open conversations about race with your children, there are bound to be questions that you would rather not answer or that make you angry. While it may be difficult, it is important for your children to feel safe when asking these questions and you should not overreact. Provide an answer that is as honestly stated as possible.

Building a strong racial identity of a biracial child, begins in a home that is open and supportive of racial diversity. With some added parenting steps, the biracial children of today will not have the misconceptions of being people who are racially isolated and alone.


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