The other night I was watching an episode of The Little Couple on TLC. The episode was dedicated to them trying to get pregnant via a surrogate and finally getting pregnant. At the end of the episode the screen went black and the words “six weeks later” appeared. I instantly knew where it was going. Sure enough, they delivered the news that they had miscarried the pregnancy.
The scene brought me back to my own miscarriage experience. I felt the tears well up as I remembered the moment I realized I had lost the pregnancy I had worked so hard to achieve. I thought I was “over it.” I thought that I had moved forward and was now able to look upon that time without the sadness coming back. As I sat there, my eyes glued to the TV, I felt such sympathy for them and realized that although I have been able to move forward from my experience, I will never really ever forget it.
After our first daughter was born, my husband and I decided to try for another child. It took several years to get pregnant with our first, so although it was frustrating, it came as no surprise to me when we had a hard time getting pregnant with our second child. After nearly two years of trying, we finally found out we were pregnant again. Sadly, a short six weeks later, I miscarried. In the days and weeks following the miscarriage I turned to online forums and pregnancy websites looking for support from others that had experience what I had. Very few of my friends had children and none of them had ever had a miscarriage. Early on, it felt as if none of my friends could really understand what I was going through, even if they did their best to empathize. Having the support of others that had gone through exactly what I had gone through made me feel a little less alone. I felt as if someone else could truly understand the complex emotions that I was experiencing.
Watching the episode of The Little Couple brought all those feeling back. In that moment, I was angry and sad all at once. I wondered what I had done that could have caused it to happen. My doctor and acupuncturist assured me that I had done nothing wrong and that sometimes these things just happen. Although the logical side of me knew that was indeed the case, it didn’t change the feelings I held inside of me.
My story has a happy ending. A month later I conceived again and in nine months had a beautiful, healthy daughter. That’s not the case for everyone. Having been through my own miscarriage experience, I can truly sympathize with those going through their own struggles. Sympathy for your loss is appreciated from wherever it comes. Yet, there is something to be said for support coming from those who have experienced it themselves. The memories never fade but over time those memories can be used to help support someone else who is going through their own emotional loss. If I could tell Bill and Jenn of The Little Couple just one thing, it would be to never give up hope because over time, it does get better.