Those of you who already subscribe will be picking up your winnings. For those of you who don’t, THIS IS WHAT YOU MISSED OUT ON, REGARDING MY AWESOME PICKS!
Seattle at Dallas
I would rather stab out my eyes with chopsticks then watch this Loser Bowl
Cowboys 37, Seahawks 13
Actual Result: Cowboys 23- Seahawks 13. People, SERIOUSLY…who else can pick them like this?
Miami at Kansas City
((((sarcasm alert)))) Finally, a test to see if the Chiefs are for real.
Chiefs 19, Dolphins 3
Actual Result: Dolphins 31, Chiefs 3. You know, if you take away the sarcasm alert, this was a pretty dang good prediction!
Tampa Bay at New Orleans
If only the NFL’s South divisions were as fun as the SEC in college. But they’re not. This game will be.
Saints 33, Bucs 32
Actual Result: Saints 27, Bucs 16. Not only was I spot on, but the Saints missed their target score, or, TS, by only six points. The Bucs, by 16. If you know your numerology, you will know how spooky crazy that prediction was!
Cleveland at Houston
You’ll have to tell me how this one ends up. I’ll be out in the yard picking up dog crap.
Browns…No, Texans 22, Browns 13
Actual Score: Texans 30, Browns 12. This is TRIPLE AAAMAZING! i’M going to start flipping houses as a part time job.
San Francisco at Washington
If you squint at the TV you can almost see Theisman and Montana on the field. But they’re not.
Redskins 31, 49ers 20. (Hey, it’s 2011 guys, and Ronnie Lott ain’t walking through that tunnel door)
Actual Result: 49ers 19 Redskins 11. I picked the Redskins by ELEVEN, and that is how many points they had! *checks fingers for lightening bolts*
New York Jets at Buffalo
This is one I would definitely be watching. If the Bills were playing the Patriots.
Bills 20, Jets 19
Actual Result: Jets 27, Bills 11. Every once in a while the mafia gets the better of me.
Atlanta at Indianapolis
Why? Whywhywhywhywhy?
Colts 52, Falcons 14. (What?)
Actual Result: Falcons 31, Colts 7. There’s no shame in coming this close with just a couple of things reversed.
Denver at Oakland
“Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”
Broncos 23, Raiders 12 (Raider QBs outsuck Denver QBs)
Actual Result: Broncos 38, Raiders 24. I was the ONLY prognosticator in the country who foretold THIS one. Folks, I’m not lying to you. Subscribe to my AWESOME PICKS!
Cincinnati at Tennessee
WOW! THAT was a lot of typing, and my spell check almost melted down.
Bengals…wait, okay, Bengals 17, Titans 13
Actual Result: Bengals 24, Titans 17. Nobody nails this stuff like ME! Email me your bank account numbers today and I will put YOU IN THE WINNERS CIRCLE, TOO!
Green Bay at San Diego
Has Philip Rivers gone all mental? Well his touchdown celebrations are going to be crazy!
Chargers 31, Packers 24
Actual Result: Packers 45, Chargers 38. People, I was the ONLY EXPERT to predict that this would be a two-touchdown shootout!
Saint Louis at Arizona
Watch out for the Cardinals to go all out to leapfrog Rams in vital division clash
Cardinals 38, Rams 16
Actual Result: Cardinals 19, Rams 13. The only thing more freakier would have been if I had seen the OT coming!
New York Giants at New England
My crystal ball keeps flashing 0-0. The batteries must be low. Just like the Patriots batteries.
Giants 14, Patriots 10
Actual Result: Giants 24, Patriots 20. My crystal ball was good up to halftime. After that I relied on my own GENIUS and came out A FOUR POINT WINNER!
Baltimore at Pittsburgh
Ray Lewis can go without smearing grass all over himself before the game, because he’s going to be eating turf and wearing cleat marks, all. day. long.
Steelers, 36, Ravens 6
Actual Result: Ravens 23, Steelers 20.
Hey, don’t blame me! Did you see those uniforms the Steelers were wearing?
******
Chicago at Philadelphia
Have I ever mentioned how much Micheal Vick makes me sick? If he was on fire I wouldn’t blow snot on him to put it out. but I would if he wasn’t.
Bears 347, Eagles 13 (bet the under)
Thank you for your time, and come back Tuesday for when I get to brag about my awesome predictions. Have a nice day.