Stepping in to Protect Our Children from Their Bullies

Last night, my 17-year-old step-daughter was sitting in the front of our condo talking with a friend. They were seated in the friend’s car just visiting and laughing as teenagers do. Another car had followed the friend into our small, dead-end parking lot. Within a few moments, the second car left the parking lot, with another teen girl screaming obscenities out the window while making an obscene gesture with a specific finger.

I have a problem with this kind of thing on so many levels that I’m not sure where to begin, so I’ll simply ask and answer one burning question:

Is it my responsibility to step in and protect my child from this kind of bullying and harassment?

As a parent, we want our children to learn and grow from their own experiences. Sometimes, those experiences hurt us; either physically or emotionally. The first break-up, the first time she’s stood up for date, the first time she doesn’t pass a class. All of these things can teach our children that life is full of pitfalls.

There was a time when parents would say that bullying builds character. Even the bullies are bullied by someone, right? It’s part of growing up.

I must make it clear that I completely disagree with this particular philosophy. Bullying is never okay, and it does not build character for anyone, least of all the one being bullied. It is hurtful and can have devastating effects, like those we’ve seen in recent months and years where bullying has led to the deaths of too many kids.

It is the responsibility of parents to protect their children from harm they do not deserve. Therefore, it is my responsibility to do everything I can to protect her from the bullies who came to her home to harass her. The girls in question have been notified that they are no longer welcome on the property and that, if they do enter the parking lot, they will be trespassing.

What can I do to protect my children?

There are a couple of things that parents should always feel comfortable doing, even if it means being confrontational against bullies, school systems, other parents or neighbors.

Always fight for your child’s rights.

My daughter has a right to sit in front of her home and visit a friend without being harassed. Can I protect her from the same harassment on a city street? Of course not. If someone who doesn’t like her drives by while she’s walking on Main Street and flips her off, she will simply have to learn to ignore them. In a perfect world, behavior like this would be rewarded with some kind of censure, but we do not live in a perfect world.

However, I can protect her when she is on my property in her own home. And I will.

Take on the schools.

My children have been bullied in school, as well. As a parent, it is our responsibility to take the bullies, the school that is allowing the bullying to continue, and the bullies’ parents to task for the activity. Many times, our children will say that they would prefer we do nothing, so the harassment doesn’t get worse. They are afraid; fearful of what the repercussions might be for “telling”.

What does it teach our children if we let them succumb to this fear? Does it teach them that they can be abused for the rest of their lives and that they are someone inferior (as their bullies often allege)? I believe it does.

If you know that your child is being bullied at school, take the issue to the administration and keep fighting until your child is safe. If your child is fearful of harm, make sure the school is aware that you expect them to keep your child safe, even if it means assigning an adult to escort them between classes.

Don’t be afraid of filing complaints with law enforcement.

The police have a job. That job is to protect the citizens of a community. If your school will not do anything to protect your child, involve the local authorities and sign assault complaints against the children in question.

With enough complaints, the child may ultimately be removed from the classroom or held responsible for their actions. When they’ve learned that their actions have consequences, it is possible they may change their manner of thinking.

One Final Note

One of the bullies who tormented by oldest child never seemed to be held accountable for his actions. When my son finally “lost it” and defended himself physically against the pushes and shoves he’d been receiving constantly, he was expelled. The boy who tormented him apologized, stating that he’d let his taunts get “out of hand”. He was not expelled. He was not suspended. His parents were not notified.

The following school year, this boy was arrested with his mother and her boyfriend for operating a meth lab in their home.

Had the school acted appropriately and contacted the boy’s parents, they may have been able to recognize the signs of abuse in the home. If they had sent the police to the boys home to discuss the matter of assault and battery against my son, they would have discovered the illegal operations in the home while the boy was still a victim and not an active participant in the drug operation.

Many bullies come from such backgrounds as this boy. Perhaps taking an active role in the defense of our children will result in helping more than just our own.

Sources: Personal Experience

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