Relationships can be what drives us or what breaks us. I’ve seen it a hundred times. There always seems to people who cling to the idea of a relationship that is just never going to work out. So why do we do this? Well first of all, some people cling to relationships that aren’t going anywhere simply because they are afraid they won’t be able to find anything better. That type of thinking is going to land you in an unhappy relationship. Another reason people seem to cling to things that just won’t last is because they don’t want to go through a break-up. I’ve actually had a friend tell me that was the main reason she didn’t want to break up with her boyfriend despite all the lingering problems in their relationship. I could barely believe my ears. It sounded to me that she would rather stay completely unhappy with her relationship than go through a break-up. It blew my mind. Let me just say that you should never stay in a relationship that doesn’t suite you. If you’re not happy now, having a ring on your finger or living together is not going to make it the slightest bit better. In fact, it will probably only get worse. I can honestly say that the worst break-up ever is better than staying in an unhappy relationship. So how can you tell if your relationship is doomed to linger in limbo? There are some ways.
If you keep clinging to the way the relationship was when it first started, there is probably something wrong with where it has ended up. Holding on to the past rather than looking towards the future is a huge sign that your relationship is probably not in your best interest to stay involved in. If you keep justifying things your partner does by things they used to do, there is a serious problem. For example, if he or she gets angry with you over and over again about something that never seemed to bother them before, you can’t keep saying ‘well they didn’t do that before’. It doesn’t matter that they didn’t something before, they are doing it now. The same goes with things they used to do. If you look back and believe that the time the two of you spent together in the past was better than the present, there at least needs to be a discussion about what has changed. It’s a fact of life that things and people do change. Lingering on the past is never good for anybody, especially in relationships.
This leads me to my second point. If the only reason that you’re holding on the relationship is because you believe he/she will change, there is a huge issue. I’m a firm believer in the idea that people can and do change. However, there is a time and a place for everything. When it comes to habits in relationships, people rarely change. Also, in relationships, you shouldn’t expect a person to change the way that they are. Basically, if you want that, you don’t love that person; you love the idea of how that person could potentially be. You should never expect somebody to fall in line with your expectations. It will cause you problems later down the road and could also be setting you up for a heart break.
If the same situation is occurring over and over again in your relationship that is causing tension, it can also be a sign that your relationship is going nowhere fast. This is only a serious problem if you find yourself addressing the issue over and over again. If you and your partner have talked about a particular issue many times and the issue hasn’t change and not attempt of resolution has been made, I would toss that relationship out the window. You can’t keep searching for something in a relationship that just isn’t going to happen. I know a person who dates a guy who is still living at home with his parents in his 30’s. At first, she believed that eventually he would move out and grow up. She has addressed this issue almost every time I’ve spent time with them. I’ve personally heard her constantly harping on him to move out and get his own place. This has been going on for a period of 2 and half years. For her to still have the belief that he is going to move out is completely ridiculous. It’s just not going to happen. This can be said for any other issue as well. If it hasn’t changed in a timely fashion, open your eyes and realize that it’s not going to change. It’s only going to cause you fights and drown your expectations of the relationship until there is nothing left. In cases like this, it’s way past time for you to move on. If this is a new problem in your relationship, you should take note on attempts to resolve the situation made by your partner. If they are making no effort, they are probably never going to. It’s better for you to move on to better things and open yourself up for a better relationship in the future.
If you see that your partner is putting no effort into the relationship, it’s also time for a change. Not making attempts to resolve issues in the relationship, as I just discussed, is a huge form of this. Yes, they may care about you but they just don’t care enough to resolve the issues that you find to be detrimental. That is a huge problem. Most relationships consist of two people, making them a duo. In a partnership as in a relationship, it’s important that things are equal. If you find that you are putting a lot more effort into the relationship than your partner is, move on. You don’t need to waste your time on a relationship that is doomed to go no further than it already has. Somebody who isn’t putting an effort in a relationship also probably doesn’t care about it that much. It’s like with all things, if somebody doesn’t care about it, there won’t be any visible effort there. Or perhaps, your partner has gotten so comfortable with you being the sole force in the relationship they see no reason for change.
Sometimes relationships seem to hold people back from doing things they want to do. This can be a huge problem too and can also cause a large amount of resentment later down the road. For example, if you are in a place in your life where you are trying to establish yourself in a career and your partner has no interest in you doing so, move on. Somebody that loves you will love your goals as well and support them. If you find that your partner becomes angry with you when you have something productive to do, it could be because they aren’t doing anything or, if they are, they may just see what they are doing as a more important situation than yours. Either way, it’s no good. Relationships get better or worse depending on how the two individuals are growing and their ability to grow together. If you find your partner holding you back more than they are supporting you, get out of that relationship.
Relationships are a two-way street and should be nurtured as such. If there is something wrong within your relationship that isn’t being addressed by your partner, it’s time to move on. The same goes for any other issue that you find isn’t getting better in your relationship. Everybody always says that the beginning of a relationship is the best part. I would like to call ‘bull-shit’ on that. If the two of you are meant to be together, the relationship will only get better.