My Parenting New Year’s Resolutions

Every year I like to review what I’ve done in the past and think about how I can improve. Since parenting is far from an exact science, there is always room for improvement. What better time to focus on good parenting than at the beginning of the New Year!

Number One: My job is not to be my child’s friend! Somewhere along the line, many of us got the impression that we are supposed to be friends with our children. We can love our children, enjoy them, and nurture them, without befriending them. Our children look to us as role models and guides. If we’re trying to please them how can we expect our kids to respect us? How can we lay down the rules, when we are seeking their approval? The fact is that we can’t. We’re the adults and until they become independent adults, our children are children!

Number Two: Life is Not Far! This is another idea that needs to be put to rest. Life is not fair…it never has been and probably never will be. Life is, on the other hand, Good! By teaching our children that we are not supposed to be equal, that every one of us unique strengths and weakness, that there’s always room for improvement, and that by working together we create a whole, a family. Within our family we all have very specific needs, differences, and talents, and that is what makes us all special!

Number Three: Siblings don’t have to fight! Brothers and sisters don’t need to fight and argue. By getting rid of the idea that life should be fair, we can minimize comparisons between siblings and raise them in a way that encourages them to help and learn from each other. I grew up in a family where punching and yelling were not allowed. Children can learn to agree to disagree as well as deal with differences through discussion. (Time outs are also very effective!)

Number Four: I am my children’s teacher! Our children are probably learning more from what we do than from what we say.Therefore we need to model for our children the behaviors and character traits that we want them to develop. We teach them patience by being patient. We teach them how to give by helping others. We teach them how to love by loving them and not by trying to win their approval!

Number Five: My primary job is to help my children become independent! Our ultimate goal is to raise independent people. Most children have an idea what they want to do as adults. Help your children learn to relate to and communicate with others. Have your children pursue hobbies and interests that they enjoy. Go to the library, encourage your children to join groups, cook with your children, share crafts and skills such as wood working, sewing, and gardening. Have teenage children babysit and work as volunteers and apprentices. Help them develop areas of interest that can eventually become an occupation or trade!

Good parenting is not an easy task. We grow and learn as we parent. Sometimes the best path is the harder course. Most likely there will always be some resistance. Often when the road seems most difficult we are making the most progress, this New Year and in the years to come!


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