I’ve been following the antics of reality show darlings the Duggars for years. I’ve learned many facts about this family which make them seem, to most mainstream families, perhaps more “them” than “us.” For instance, they don’t allow themselves to dance, they homeschool (even in college), the girls only wear skirts, they don’t watch TV (ironic, isn’t it?), and they regularly eat their much-adored Tater Tot Casserole. But what they’re most known for is, of course, their super-sized family, which includes 19 children with one on the way for parents Michelle and Jim Bob.
Poor Michelle Duggar’s ears must be burning a lot these days. And before I continue, I must confess that I like the Duggars. Mama Michelle comes across as the sweetest, kindest, most soft-spoken mom I’ve just about ever seen. And I don’t think it’s an act for TV. Their family seems cute, fun, friendly, happy, and well-adjusted. Yes, they have some different beliefs, but I sense a sincerity and good-spiritedness that more families should enjoy.
But they have agreed to share their lives on television, and on their show they do express many of their strong personal convictions and beliefs. I think they realize that by being so vocal and public, they invite both praise and criticism, and I’m sure they have accepted that double-edged sword. And the one area in which they receive the most criticism, from the world and from me, is their refusal to prevent pregnancies and to have as many children as is biologically possible.
I think about some of my forebears. My great-grandmother had nine children; my great-great grandmother had thirteen. If I could time-travel back a hundred years or so ago and tell them that we have a pill for that now, would they want it? I’m sure they adored and wanted every single one of their children. And-yikes!-I do see the paradox of slipping my great-grandmother a modern birth control pill. After all, my grandfather was her ninth and last child. It probably wouldn’t bode well for my existence to tinker with the past in that way. But I do believe that many, many women throughout history (as well as modern-day women in poorer countries with less access to birth control) would have loved to have been able to choose to keep their families smaller, for many reasons. And considering the ridiculously high infant and mother mortality rates of the past, it’s a shame that they weren’t able to do so.
Michelle Duggar believes that she miscarried one of her early pregnancies because she accidentally got pregnant while taking the birth control pill. After this traumatizing experience, she and Jim Bob chose not only to stop using the pill, but to forgo contraception altogether. They consistently express their desire to leave their family size “up to God.” I wonder if they honestly believe that God has anything to do with it. Most people will recognize that, absent fertility issues, unprotected sex will lead to pregnancy. And since Michelle is a fertile woman, even conceiving while breastfeeding, she has gotten pregnant time and time again. While the profess they are handing God the reins in this area of their life, I think the truth is more that they simply love their large family and see it as their religious duty to produce as many disciples of their faith as possible.
But why is it that the Duggars are not allowed to have control over their own reproduction? I realize that they are following the Bible’s decree to “be fruitful and multiply,” but other religions, such as Catholicism, while shunning artificial methods of birth control, still allow for natural family planning. I find it fascinating that people allow God to take control completely in some areas, but not in others. Had they let God take control during Michelle’s last pregnancy, tragically neither she nor her nineteenth child would be alive. She developed preeclampsia, requiring the baby to be delivered three-and-a-half months early to save her life. The baby, Josie, needed intensive medical care for many months in order to live. While they attribute their survival to miracles, we know that they would not be here without medical intervention.
I guess it comes down to the fact that I really hoped that after Michelle’s last pregnancy, she and Jim Bob would have made a conscious, thoughtful decision to not have any more children for the sake of their family. I realize they’re morally opposed to hormonal birth control, but a vasectomy wouldn’t do a thing to her eggs. I would have been shocked, quite frankly, but also very, very respectful of their decision to do something like that. Because I think that most women in Michelle’s situation would see the benefit to finally saying “no more.” Michelle is now 45; her age alone should be a reason to reconsider another pregnancy. I’m quite positive that, if He could, God would say to Michelle, “Really, Honey, it’s OK. You can stop now.” OK, maybe He wouldn’t call her “Honey,” but I like to think God’s nice like that.