My personal story of childhood sexual abuse is painful and long. I had more than one perpetrator over two decades of my life. The sexual abuse colored every aspect of my life, creating fear, shame, loss of trust and generally feeling as if I were unworthy of ever achieving or attaining any level of success in my life. The touch of a perpetrator does untold harm to the silenced victims.
Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine – Alleged Sexual Predators in the Sports World
Over the past few weeks there have been several stories exposing people who are well known within the sports world as alleged perpetrators of sexual abuse. Each time I read another account of sexual abuse I just cringe inside because I know first hand what a long road it is to regain that lost person hood. The person that each of those victims has become is so much less than the person that God created them to be. Filthy hands of a sexual predator completely changes who we become. Does the perpetrator know this? I’m not sure, but I am sure that the perpetrator does not care about that.
Sexual Predators are Cowards
Perpetrators are basically cowards who long for power and control. They seek out the weak, mostly children, and work out their aggression up them. The end for the perpetrator is a moment of satisfaction and empowerment that must be repeated again and again, because that feeling of being in control and powerful is quickly lost within the work-a-day world.
Stop Pointing the Finger at the Victim – Point it at the Enablers Instead
Many ask why victims of sexual abuse remain silent for so long. Why don’t these children cry out for help? That question can be answered by looking at other people within the circle of the perpetrator’s life. Society is so quick to point a finger at the helpless abused child, but what about other adults who are present in the perpetrator’s life and home. Why are we not pointing a finger at these people instead of at the abused child? Case in point, an article written by Dr. Keith Ablow, titled, Sex Offenders at School and Next Door. In this article by Dr. Ablow, he describes a telephone conversation between one of the alleged victims and the wife of Syracuse assistant head basketball coach, Bernie Fine. The jist of the conversation between Mrs. Fine and the alleged victim is that Mrs. Fine acknowledges that her husband, Bernie Fine, did indeed repeatedly sexually abuse him as a child, and further acknowledges that her husband also abused many other children.
The story of sexual abuse seldom changes. This exact situation plays out over and over in the lives of many children on a daily basis. Children are sexually abused while adults in their lives choose to do nothing to stop the abuse or the abuser.
A Might Band of Survivors
I am so sorry that so many children have had to suffer these disgraces and abuses at the hands of perpetrators. Yet, at the same time, I am pleased to see that more and more of these sexual predators are being exposed as victims of abuse find the courage and strength to step out of the darkness (at any age) and tell their own story. Abuse survivors when banded together are a force to be reckoned with.
If Only
Unfortunately it usually takes decades before most of us find our voices and enough courage to take a stand against these perpetrators. If only the adults in the lives of these children could find that same strength, courage to stop the abuser before he has molested hundreds of children. If only adults would take responsibility and report sexual abuse, think about how many children could be spared the lifetime of living in fear, shame, and being less than the person they could become. Child victims of sexual abuse should not have to wait until they are the adults before they can bring their own predators to justice. But if we must, then we will. Perhaps it is the enablers who should live in shame and not the victims.
Sources:
My Life
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/11/28/sex-offenders-at-school-and-next-door/?test=faces