Chances are your boyfriend wasn’t negative when you started dating him or else you probably wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place, but over time he could have become that way for one reason or another – typically it’s because of work, money or family problems. This negative attitude can take its toll on your relationship, even if you have nothing to do with the issues he’s having. I’ve been in similar situations, and it’s a horrible feeling to feel helpless and confused about what to do to make it better. Unfortunately, there’s also times when there really is nothing that you can do and it gets to just be too much. So when you have a negative boyfriend, what exactly is the best way to handle the situation while still doing what you can to preserve the relationship?
Open the lines of communication
I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to communicate with your partner. Unfortunately, many couples know how vital this is to having a happy and healthy relationship, but one or both individuals simply stop making the effort. Let him know how much you love and care for him. When he talks, listen to him without interrupting – he needs to feel like he has a safe place to go when things are going wrong in his life.
Don’t nag or push
When you see your boyfriend going through a rough time, your initial instinct is to likely do what you can to make it better, but in the process, you may unintentionally end up nagging or pushing him. You can’t make your boyfriend change his attitude from negative to positive – that’s solely up to him – all you can do is your best to help. Give him some breathing room to just relax and take a few minutes for himself, don’t ambush him with problems or questions when he returns home and don’t constantly tell him the same things over and over; choose your battles wisely.
Up the surprises
Never underestimate the power of a nice gesture. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t express his excitement very well, he’s likely more thrilled about it than you think. Put small notes in his jacket pocket for him to find, and on each one, write something positive about how wonderful he is and how you love him – the more to-the-point the better. Make him his favorite meal, rent a movie he loves or treat him to sports tickets. Most importantly, don’t point out that they’re surprises to help ease his negative attitude, just pretend like they’re something you’re doing because you love him.
Work on your own positivity
To say it’s difficult to date a negative person and keep your own positivity up is an understatement. It takes work, and you may be tempted to put aside your own happiness for the sake of focusing on your boyfriend, but you’re doing more harm than good. When he’s in a bad mood, it’s likely going to cause you to be in one. You’re doing more good for your boyfriend by making sure you stay as positive as possible, even if that means you frequently do things you love such as getting pedicures, going for runs, reading mantras and positive quotes, and watching shows that make you laugh. A happy mood can transfer, so the more you stay positive for your own sake, the more it could lift his negative mood.
Leave if it gets to that point
You – not your parents, boss, friends, coworkers, dog or boyfriend – are responsible for your own happiness. A negative mood is not healthy, and as much as you love your boyfriend, sometimes things get to a point where you’ve done more than humanly possible to try to help him and there’s nothing more you can do. You’ll probably feel miserable, guilty and heartbroken, and he may even try to make you feel worse, but understand that you cannot live a negative life because your partner is. You deserve to be happy, and so does he, but ultimately we each have to fight to make things better for ourselves. If you leave, it doesn’t mean you’ll never get back together, it just means you’re leaving a currently unhealthy situation for the sake of preserving your own happiness.
Leaving your boyfriend should be your very last resort. Being in a relationship with someone you love and care for means being supportive, communicating and working with each other through the tough times. Your boyfriend may be negative now, but that doesn’t mean he’s always going to stay that way. With a little help from you and a lot of effort on his part, he can change his frame of mind from negative to positive and can be happier than he’s been in a long time.