Hog Face
School bullies. Every school has them. I may have mentioned before that I was pretty much the runt of the school my first couple years in high school. In fact it wasn’t until my junior year that I had a growth spurt and shot up to 5’3″. There were a few big strong older guys that noticed me right away and went out of their way to make me feel comfortable at school. I got to feel comfortable stuffed into a hall locker on several occasions for extended periods of time. These guys looked out for my welfare though and always let me out after school was over for the day.
I also got to feel very comfortable hanging by my heels over the second floor balcony during lunch hour. Once these fellows even showed me what a basketball feels like when it gets dunked and what a coat feels like when hanging on a hook on the inside of the Principal’s office door. (Principle was out at the time) Priceless experiences for sure.
This story isn’t about these good natured guys though. Nope, it is about a sneaky mean turd-eating bastard in my own class. I’ll call him Hog Face in this story for a couple of reasons. First off I sure don’t want to get sued for slander even if what I say about him is the truth. Second, I don’t want to tip him off that I intend to get even some day.
Anyway, Hog Face was a husky bugger at the time. He was big enough so that he probably could have whipped my scrawny little butt fairly easily. I suppose that is why I was his favorite target. He hung out with three or four Neanderthals who yukked it up every time he pulled a mean trick on anybody. I named him Hog Face because he had a pink face with fat jowls and little pig eyes.
His favorite trick was to sneak up behind someone and ram his knee up their ass. This hurt. In fact he even broke my tailbone so it hurt to walk for a couple months. When he wasn’t doing that he was slamming unsuspecting people into door jambs or knocking people down stairways. His tactic was the hit and run. He did the deed, him and his buddies got a good laugh, then they were gone before anyone had a chance to retaliate. My junior year I had put on some muscle and a couple more inches so Hog Face resorted to even sneakier tactics. Guess he figured I might have a chance against him in a one on one tussle. He waited till I was taking a leak in the rest room and then gave me a shove while I was occupied so I pissed all over everything. Once he snuck up behind me when I was getting books out of my hall locker. He slammed the locker door so hard against my back that it tore a big gash in my shoulder blade. I couldn’t raise my arm for a week. Naturally I tried to get even. I tried ambushing him at the top of a stairwell but that never worked out because his goons ran interference for him going up stairways. I tried staking out his car after school in the parking lot but that never worked either; probably because he might have spotted the baseball bat I was carrying on those occasions and stayed away until I left. (Hey, I’m not so stupid to know when an equalizer is needed.)
The only time I got just a bit of payback was our senior year when I accidently dropped an encyclopedia (the M volume) off the second floor balcony and knocked his books out of his hand. I was hoping for a head shot. No, actually I was hoping to break his neck or at least give him a concussion. Yep, I really hated old Hog Face.
Twenty years later I met him face to face in a bar. He had aged badly which is to say the rest of his body now matched his fat hog face. He sported a beer gut and his nose was all big with veins bulging out (a typical alcoholic’s nose). I heard that he ran a porno video store in Kalispell. That occupation seemed to fit him to a T. His choice of occupation and his appearance cheered me up considerably. I couldn’t resist calling him a fat asshole anyway. He was in fact still a loud mouthed jerk. He wouldn’t take the bait though. I was hoping to piss him off enough so that he would come outside to settle our differences but that never happened.
Someday I bet/hope I meet up with him again. Then I might just sneak up behind him and knee him in the butt, even If I have to pull him out of a wheel chair first. I believe he deserves a broken tailbone at the very least, maybe with permanent hemorrhoids on his fat ass to match the ones on his nose.
Grudges are good. They give you something to look forward to. Fair warning Hog Face you black hearted bastard.