It is a poorly kept secret that many young people have ambivalence about their older relatives requesting to “friend” them on their Facebook page. (By “ambivalence” I actually mean terror and revulsion.) In order to deal with this problem I would like to suggest several new social networking sites to accommodate “special needs” networking.
PseudoFacebook (also known as PhonyFacebook) – This is for teenagers and young adults to set up a Facebook page that they can be comfortable “friending” their parents and relatives on. It will include their grade point average (veracity is optional), their new found interest in classical music, and the poetry reading they went to last night. Nobody will believe any of it but it will make their parents feel nice.
WrinkledFacebook – Social networking site for those over 40. The font will be larger, it will email you when one of your friends is having prostate surgery, and it will have an alarm to wake you if you accidentally take a nap while on line.
Faceliftbook – (Obviously) A social networking site for those who have had plastic surgery.
AboutFacebook – This is a social networking site for anyone who changes their political orientation, their sexual orientation, or their favorite sports team.
InYourFacebook – This is for people with anger issues who prefer to be aggressive online. (Especially suitable for those with restraining orders).
FacetheMusicbook – This is a social networking site for people about to pay their debt to society (often the next step for those on “InYourFacebook.”) It lets friend and family know how much bail you’ve posted and how long you’ll be away. Unfortunately, most people on this site can’t update their pages for two to four years (eighteen months with good behavior).
SmileyFacebook – This is a site for those who like to look at the bright side of everything, appreciate positive affirmations, or choose to live in denial.
TwoFacebook – This is for those who are phony, lie to their friends and family, and cannot be trusted. You can’t sign up for it. You have to be nominated.