In a perfect world, we all would get along perfectly with our extended family members. We would cherish the opportunity to spend time with them instead of often feeling like it is a responsibility that needs to be done. Of course, for most people, spending time with parents, grandparents, and adult siblings isn’t always a chore, and often there are many enjoyable moments and great memories created with each visit. Yet even the most anticipated visit is often met with relief when the visit is over.
Most people have at least one or two family members or in-laws that they just simply do not get along well with, and such family drama can be hard on you as an adult. It can, however, also be difficult for your kids, too. While to you a child may seem like an observer to family drama, many times kids actually feel torn between their devotion to their parents and their affection for the other family members, too. Further, many parents often don’t want their kids to observe family drama, and so often they will shy away from situations that are anticipated to be tense or stressful. Here are some tips for handling these issues:
Explain the Situation with Diplomacy. Your kids may be yours, but you don’t want to taint their views and opinions on other members of their family. Even the youngest of kids can understand a basic explanation that includes you loving the person, but that you just don’t always get along with that person very well.
Encourage Your Child to Develop His or Her Own Opinion. Every person is unique, and so some things that may grate on your nerves or prior history that you may be holding a grudge for may simply not matter to another person. This means that while you may have too much water under the bridge with this person, your child doesn’t necessarily. The fact is that a child may grow to resent you if you build up walls between him or her and this other person who you have trouble with. So allow the child to get to know this person at family gatherings and without your own opinions getting in the way.
When The Situation is More Serious. Many people unfortunately have family members who are coping with their own rather serious life situations right now. This may include issues with alcohol, drugs, or other such issues. As a parent, you may not be inclined to allow your child to spend time with anyone with such issues, including extended family members. Depending on the age of your child, you may choose to provide a brief explanation to your child about the rough times your family member is having, but you may choose to limit that person’s exposure to your child and may understandably not permit your child to spend time alone with that person until the issues have been resolved.
Explosive or Tense Situations. Most people know their family members more than well enough to know when a tense or potentially explosive situation is building. You will want to make an effort to remove yourself and your child before a situation grows too tense. Take a walk around the block if you are visiting from far away so everyone can cool off, or otherwise call the visit quits early if you are visiting from nearby.
Unfortunately, family drama is just something most of us have to deal with at some point, and these tips can help you to minimize the impact of that drama to your child.
Here are a few other articles written by this author:
How Positive is Your Parenting?
Helping Your Kids Through Fights with Friends
Kids and Friend Drama: When to Step In