Christmas is fast approaching. One more holiday to go and then the decorations are going to be pulled from the closet and the tree put up. This year it is rather hard to believe that there is almost no time left until Christmas. I still haven’t purchased the first gift for this consumer driven holiday. This is going to be a close one. While I do not feel the need to get gifts, I have children that enjoy this particular holiday.
I have been thinking a lot about holidays past these last few days. When I was a child my grandparents would cook for the holiday making cakes and pies a couple days before to ensure that a small variety of delicious desserts were had. As I got older those gatherings got smaller, now my grandparents are gone and those holidays are no longer celebrated at their house. During those years there was always the anticipation that goes along with being a child, seeing the world as nothing more than an array of brilliant colors. Holidays felt so magical then.
In previous years I have celebrated with the family of my husband during the holidays. It was then that magic began to fade. At times these gatherings were pleasant but mostly they were just uncomfortable. It is one thing to sit down at a table with virtual strangers but another to be expected to clean up while the men chit chat simply because you are a woman. The cleaning up part I understand but I still do not understand why men are excluded from it, seems a bit sexist to me. I found this part a tad bit offensive but no one seemed to understand why.
The first time I experienced a holiday with husband number one the entire experience was uncomfortable from the start. I was talked into going even though I did not want to but that’s another story. In years past I have done things for the holidays simply because other people wanted to and I am determined not to give in this year.
Then there were the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays after my children were born. These led to often uncomfortable situations of having to spend time with people whether I wanted to or not simply because every wanted to see the new baby. It was during these times that I began to feel like a human incubator. No one seemed to understand my discomfort or perhaps they had simply forgotten their own. Either way it was not a pleasant time for me.
This year with Thanksgiving only a few days away I still have not purchased the first gift for Christmas. Strangely enough I am not bothered by this fact at the moment. I am simply thankful that I am managing with the bills paid after a recent set back. There will be sales that I can hit and the baby’s handmade decorations will be the only thing on my tree once again. I do look forward to seeing her face light up as she realizes that once again she can begin pulling the limbs out and pulling the decorations off of the tree.
At the end of it all I will have had one brief moment where I forget everything that has been bothering me and see the world through the eyes of a child. The miracle that is Christmas will be remembered even if only for a fleeting moment.