The day the idea of divorce pops into your head is very scary. Whether you had a small fight or a massive blowout, the thought of divorce is more than some can handle. How do you decide if divorce is the right step to take? I wanted to provide you with some things to think about as you take the time to sort out what the best decision for your life may be.
1. Divorce is not the end of the world
Life does go on and it can be great! I always believe that life is what you make of it. Just like any difficult decision in life, we get through it and are able to move on. That’s not to say that there won’t be any deep emotions to deal with or even some emotional scarring. But it is possible to come out happy and open a new and refreshing chapter in your life.
2. Exhaust all other options first
In my personal experience, I contemplated divorce for two years before I actually filed. I was married to someone who became an emotionally abusive alcoholic. We tried AA meetings, AODA counseling and pills for alcoholism among other things. After finding pills in the garbage and seeing that AA meetings were being skipped, I realized I wanted him to change, but he wasn’t interested in changing himself.
Whatever your personal situation may be, try all other options to repair the marriage first. Leaving at the first sign of trouble will lead to questioning your decision and possible regret later. The only situation I do not agree with this advice is for cases of domestic violence. Personal safety comes first, and I do not condone putting yourself in a potentially harmful situation.
3. Seek Support From Family and Friends
Support from family and friends was crucial to making my decision and not feeling alone. I kept my situation to myself for a very long time. Not only did I feel isolated and abandoned, I also felt powerless and hopeless. By telling friends about what I was going through, I was able to get some great advice and encouragement. It helped me feel more confident in myself and my decision.
4. Stay On Good Terms
Do your best to stay on good terms, whether you are still thinking about divorce or starting the process. After I left our family home, I did my best to maintain good communication. It wasn’t easy, and I had to stay rational in many irrational phone conversations. I’m glad I did it though because the divorce went smoothly and only cost around $200 because we didn’t need to hire lawyers.
Divorce may not be the right choice for everyone, and some situations might be more complex than mine was. I think these steps were a great help for me, and I am hoping they will be helpful for others as well.
I have been able to start a new chapter in my life, and looking back, I have no regrets. I have newly found freedom that allows me to do what makes me feel happy and the ability to seek out a healthier relationship.