You’re scrolling through emails on your iPhone, going about your business when all of a sudden your stomach does a series of flip flops. Your ex from two years ago who you were happy to pretend didn’t exist has just attempted to friend you on Facebook, or Myspace, LinkedIn…honestly just insert the name of your favorite social networking site here. The question is, with all this “reach out and instantly connect” technology how can you maneuver the world of current and old flames without compromising your happiness?
Breaking up in New York can be hard enough. Depending on where you live and where your ex lives, you might find yourself giving up entire neighborhoods just to avoid seeing that ex-special someone. So, it’s like adding insult to injury. Not only do you have to cut someone out of your life, now you have to temporarily avoid visiting that awesome deli, vintage store or other favorite hangout for fear of running into your ex. After all, it’s their neighborhood…not yours. So, if an ex requests you as a friend, are you obligated to accept? And, how do you handle explaining this ex’s new interest in you to your current SO?
First off, you’re under no obligation to accept a friend request from anyone regardless of how well you know them or the history that the two of you shared. Maybe the two of you ended on really poor terms (cheating, massive scandal, etc.). Then you have a very good reason to not want to be involved on any level at all. And let’s face it, social networking is nothing more than opening the door to ethically allow someone to spy on your comings and goings under the guise of “staying connected”.
Many people feel that once a relationship is over, there is no need to continue any form of interaction with their old flame – and that’s their right. If this is you, then feel free to ignore that request and keep it moving. You owe no one an explanation as to why you will or won’t accept their friendship requests. If, however, you decided to accept an ex’s friendship request be prepared that this request is a two way street.
Yes, you’re allowing this person access to your personal life, but now you have access to their life as well. Will you be prepared to see pictures of them cozied up to their new SO? Do you want to read their status updates regarding how they and their new honey just came back from an ultra sexy weekend in Cancun? If the answer is no…then you’re probably not over them. So, please save yourself the trouble and don’t accept that invitation!
But, what should you tell your current SO if an ex leaves a highly visible scribble on your wall (or an @ reply on your Twitter page)? Assuming that you no longer have a “thing” for your ex, play it by ear. As long as the post isn’t off color or something that could be taken the wrong way, don’t bother bringing it up unless your SO does. As the old adage goes “if it ain’t broke – don’t try to fix it”. If the post is questionable, try to delete it asap. If your current SO makes a fuss, just admit that although that person is an ex, you have absolutely no interest in them whatsoever. And then you should probably delete them from your friends or followers list since clearly they lack good judgement.