There are times when no amount of persuading, debating, or reasoning will change another’s mind and lead to resolving a conflict. Why not take the example of no fault divorce and use no-fault conflict resolution. It is possible if all cooperate and agree. In no fault divorce, neither party needs to show wrong doing of the other.
Through cooperation and agreement it is possible to soften the hurt feelings of everyone and move forward with relationships without anyone feeling they were treated unfairly. This is far superior to alienating oneself from friends and/or family.
Steps for no-fault conflict resolution
1. Acceptance of the fact that all humans are fallible. It is part of human nature to make mistakes and learn and grow from them. Mistakes can be a learning lesson if you allow it to be.
2. Totally give up blaming another for how you personally feel. You own your thoughts and feelings because you chose them. In fact, thoughts and therefore feelings are about the only area in our lives over which we really do have complete control.
3. Accept responsibility for your part in the conflict. There is no such thing as 100% blame on only one side in any situation. No matter how small you justify your ‘fault’, it is still your fault and therefore your responsibility. Don’t worry about others responsibilities, that is for them to deal with, not you.
4. Completely give up any thought or fantasy of retribution, punishment, or getting even no matter how badly you want revenge. Know and believe that what goes around comes around and it is not up to you to deal out justice. Leave that to another source. Remember while another will be judged for their behavior, so will you be judged for your behavior. Accept that and don’t hurt yourself by holding grudges or anger or hatred or resentment towards another.
5. Forgive others for their behavior toward you and hope to be forgiven for your past unacceptable behavior.
6. Agree to move forward with the relationship without rehashing the past. Agree to disagree and if all are willing, agree that anyone who tries to bring up the conflict owes everyone else some type of fine.
7. Finally, meditate on the fact that life is short. No one knows how long they will live or how much time they have left. Remind yourself as often as may be necessary that holding on to grudges or feeling wronged is a waste of your time and energy. You have better things to do with your life.