Scrooge’s A to Z of Christmas

by on August 6th, 2010
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A is for All-comers. These are the people who will descend on your home, unannounced, expecting to be fed, watered and entertained.

B is for Booze. Almost unavoidable at Christmas unless you live in a cave. Just don’t do what you did last year. Remember what you promised yourself and your nearest and dearest.
C is for Christmas tree. If you gave yourself a minor shock trying to fix the fairy lights, don’t worry about it too much. People will tell you your tree looks lovely even if it looks terrible. It’s that time of year.
D is for Diamonds. Is it time to pop the question or to buy yourself another expensive gift?
E is for Eggnog. If you like this particular beverage then Christmas may well be your favorite time of year.
F is for Fairy lights. If yours don’t work when you take them (along with the cob webs) out of the box, you may need to check each bulb separately to discover which one is causing the problem. This will only take a few hours.
G is for Goggle box. When the fizz goes out of the fun, there’s always the goggle box to fall back on.
H is for Holiday. You may want to plan a quick getaway to avoid the people who think they have an open-ended invitation to your place.
I is for Intoxication. Are you intoxicated by the Christmas spirit or by something a little bit stronger?
J is for Jesus. This fellow is often the forgotten guest at the party. J is also for Jolly. Yes, it’s the season to be jolly but don’t overdo it. Nobody likes a pain in the neck.
K is for Kris Kringle. Each person at work gets a chance to buy a colleague a cheap gift anonymously. This can turn a bit nasty.
L is for Leftovers. You will amaze yourself and everyone else with the dishes you can create from left over food. Even the great chefs would be proud of you. Parsnip lasagne anyone?
M is for Mistletoe. Standing under the mistletoe doesn’t always work. If you’re desperate, try clipping a sprig in your hair.
N is for Never-ending. Some people actually look forward to going back to work after Christmas.
O is for Overdoing it. This will give you a chance to talk about the diet and exercise regime you are planning for next year. Nobody believes it will ever happen – even you.
P is for Presents. Always ask for, and give out, receipts with gifts. It saves a lot of hassle for everyone later.
Q is for Questions. Children are full of questions at this time of year. The two most popular ones are: “What’s Santa bringing me?” and “When am I getting my presents?”. Bless their little hearts.
R is for Relatives. If you haven’t seen your relatives all year, and you didn’t book that getaway, then expect to spend lots of quality time with them during the festivities.
S is for Santa. Be on the look out for impersonators! There is only one true Santa.
T is for Turkey. Turkey roast, turkey curry, turkey sandwiches, turkey pizza and turkey soup. That should see the entire bird used up.
U is for Under the bed. This is where parents hide presents so that little scamps don’t find and open them before Santa arrives.
V is for Vermillion. Everything turns a deep red at Christmas. Blame it on Santa.
W is for Work. A lot of work goes into planning and cooking the festive feast only for everyone at the table to gobble it down in less than twenty minutes.
X is for Xmas party. If you attend your office party, don’t bother to photocopy your bottom and fax it to your boss. Somebody else at the party has already done this.
Y is for Yuletide. Nobody knows what this word actually means even though it appears on many a Christmas card.
Z is for Zzzzzs. Go on, you deserve a good snooze after all the excitement.

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