As a youth I didn’t really understand the Bible. The hidden meanings and mysteries seemed too distant. In truth, the parables and teachings were more like fables. With this lack of faith and wisdom, I envisioned God as not having much interest in my life. Can you imagine that? I felt as if God chose to be uninvolved in the lives of his people!
Those feelings belong to yesterday. Through prayer, inspiration from some very observant friends, and the Bible, I have begun to scratch the surface of God’s Word. What He wants me to do for Him.
To be frank, this is a lifelong journey towards wisdom. My hope is to continue to be blessed with understanding and acceptance.
Thus, I have been inspired to share some personal stories with you and how the Bible eventually shaped my perspective of these events. Some stories may seem trite while others may be deeply touching. Regardless of how you feel about them, I hope they provide you with the catalyst to learn more about Adonai and His love for us.
Ecclesiastes 10:2
Wisdom brightens a man’s face and changes its hard appearance
It was Friday, about 6pm on a hot summer day in New York City. I left my job as a broker in Manhattan with the intention of getting together with friends for dinner on Long Island. I had walked about a half mile in the heat and was approaching Penn Station when I realized I had about ten minutes to spare before boarding my train. Thirsty, I stopped into a corner market to grab a soda.
I was second in line as I reached into my pocket for a couple of singles. The person in front of me was a slender young black man who couldn’t have been more than 16 or 17 years old. He was making his argument to the cashier since he was about 75 cents short for his purchase.
I didn’t have time to listen to such non-sense. I wanted to get to dinner. Besides, what could be so important that this kid was debating the cashier when he didn’t have the money to make his purchase? I reached into my pocket, not to help him, but out of arrogance. I handed the cashier a dollar and said I would pay for it, requesting we move on with our lives.
As the kid turned, I noticed his purchase – a case of baby formula.
I was obsessed with getting to dinner. He was spending his last dime to feed a baby. He told me he wouldn’t be able to pay me back. I was ashamed and told him I didn’t want to be paid back.
Arrogance and assumptions are tough to overcome, especially when you are ‘young’ or ‘too busy’ to listen to God. As the scripture says, I was ‘hard’ on that summer day. With ‘wisdom’ my outlook would be brightened.
Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another
One of my very best friends is Brian ‘Head’ Welch.
You may find this particularly strange since I never met Brian. What you may find even more surprising is he is a heavy metal recording artist and a self-admitted recovering drug addict. Until he found Adonai in 2005, he faced the world alone without God. However, for the past six years or so, he has been filled with the Word of the Lord and the Holy Spirit.
He is my inspiration.
About a year ago, I found myself in a real spiritual rut. I had more self-doubt and questions than I ever had before. Like Brian, I felt as if I was walking alone. I prayed for help but it seemed as if all my prayers went unanswered.
Weeks later, I randomly walked into a book store. Displayed in one of the aisles was a biography entitled Save Me from Myself by Brian Welch. I knew he was the former lead bassist of the metal band, Korn, but I really didn’t know much more about him. Needlees to say, I purchased the book.
Since reading Save Me from Myself and his two subsequent books, I learned Brian was like me in many ways. He went from walking alone to walking with God. He also experienced doubt, pain, and loss just like I had. At times, he was his own worst enemy just as I have been. He desired inspiration and God’s love just like I did. He was on a journey – so was I.
I felt camaraderie with Brian. He taught me that God had been with me all along – even in my moments of serious doubt. In his book, Brian showed me that my prayers were being answered. However, those answers were coming, not on my terms, but on God’s terms.
The Bible verse from Proverbs tells us about how true friendship helps us to grow and support one another. This is true even when friends haven’t even met!
Job 33:29
God gives each of us chance after chance.
How many times have I walked away from God or ignored His massage? Let’s just say that if I had a dollar for every time I did so I would be a heck of a lot better off financially today.
Yet God keeps walking with me.
For many of us, 9/11 was an excruciating day. If you were like me, you went and prayed at a number of religious services that were held throughout the week that followed the horrendous attacks on our country. But then, there were lingering doubts. Why would God let innocent people suffer like that? Why would so many children lose their parents? Why does terrorism exist?
I turned from God after 9/11. I lamented if that’s the kind of ‘god’ He is, I didn’t need him. I was wrong, of course. The next few months and even years were filled with bad decisions and a lack of direction. I was very angry. After all, the organization I was employed with had lost a multitude of clients when the towers fell and as employees of the company we were left to feel the devastation of the aftermath. Plus, given our place of work was a few hundred yards from the towers, we had to see Ground Zero virtually every day.
When I eventually gave up and admitted I couldn’t face all this alone, I found God was still there. Being with God doesn’t mean the nightmares or pains have gone away. It simply means I can deal with it in a mature way without running from the Lord. Regardless of how bad I feel, He comforts me in these darkest of days. I hope I never walk away from Him again.
But what is so awesome about God is He never walks away from us. Even when we turn our backs on Him, He is still there. As it is said in Job, He gives us chance after chance.
Psalm 69:29
I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me.
Can you imagine the pain of dying on a cross? The disappointment of knowing a disciple or friend betrayed you and it would lead to your death? Can you comprehend the thought of your mother watching you die as she stands there helplessly?
I am often asked what God has done for me. As write this, I am currently unemployed. I recently lost a dear family member at too early an age. I don’t see my children anywhere as much as I would like because of divorce. My wife works long, hard hours to make sure the bills are paid, something I appreciate but currently feel helpless to relieve on her behalf. Plus, there are about a dozen other ‘worries’ that concern me.
Is suffering something God has planned for us?
Well, yes and no. Make no doubt about it, however, that life is truly a test from Adonai. Suffering draws us closer to the Lord. When we suffer ‘in Him’ then He suffers ‘with us’.
I believe a friend of mine said it best. When asked about suffering and God’s plan for her, she rebuked the tone of the question and stated just because she is a Christian she did not believe life should be easier for her. On the contrary, her belief was in many ways this life would be harder because of her Christian faith. But at the end, she would receive the promise of salvation.
God is not a sadist. He did not put us on earth simply to suffer. However, wherever there is free will, suffering will exist. Like Jesus (who was both man and God) suffered, no man is free from that burden.
As it states in Psalms, it the dignity with which we face pain that ultimately gives us the protection of God.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
We all have fears. Maybe you have been faced with illness or depression. Or perhaps, you fear public speaking which is extremely common. Maybe you feel as if pressure or stress leads to you making bad decisions causing you to avoid confrontation at all costs.
For about five years after 9/11 I was terrified of flying. Before I could even think about getting on a plane, I needed to make sure I had plenty of Xanax and a couple of beers in my system. Little did I know at the time, but a doctor friend of mine told me if I persisted in doing that, I had a good chance of dying while on the plane!
So much for getting legally ‘high’ before flying.
I am ashamed today to admit I went to such extremes to simply board an airplane. As I write this, I can hear my mother’s voice in the background asking where my faith was during these episodes. However, that was exactly the point – my faith had been trumped by irrational fear.
It wasn’t until I faced my fears through prayer that it began to get better. I simply choose to put my faith in God asking for strength to trust Him in those situations where I didn’t have control. Perhaps that’s the problem with us human beings – we want control where God’s will always prevails.
The words of Joshua and attempting to experience the Lord through this passage became a powerful experience for me. I began to trust. That’s when God delivered by helping me to be strong and courageous.
I am appreciative of having this outlet to share my personal stories. The scripture quotes that accompany them have provided me with perspective and comfort on my journey. I hope, you too, can relate to the Bible and embrace the powerful word of God.