During divorce or separation where children are involved, they often suffer more than the parents. A divorce or separation is often viewed as a loss of emotion or devotion to a family. Depending on the age of the child, it may be extremely difficult to understand what is going on. Due to a lack of understanding, the child often confides in the parent in which they live with to determine where their other parent went, why they left, and how it will affect them. This creates a difficult situation for the parent, where they may resort to avoiding the conversation all together or creating fictional stories in order to maintain love from their child. Often, custodial parents create a situation where the child loves them most over their other parent or refuses to go see the other parent. By personally creating a negative outlook on the other parent to the child, this parent is choosing actions to alienate the non-custodial parent. Alienating the other parent is evident through actions expressed from the child. These actions are referred to as Parental Alienation Syndrome and contain several different criteria and characteristics to determine if your child in fact suffers from PAS.
The first criteria of PAS is evident through access and contact blocking by part of the custodial parent. This parent will block any and all access or contact between the child and the opposite parent. This is primarily evident in situations where one parent lives out of town and cannot easily contact the child. The custodial parent will block telephone calls or refuse to answer the phone, plan to be out of town or area when the other parent plans to visit or refuses to send the child to spend time with the opposite parent. The custodial parent often imprints onto the child that they are the superior parent and the non-custodial or visiting parent does not have proper parenting skills. In these situations, the child often does not have a say and may not even know the non-custodial parent is attempting to contact them. The child may often ask about the non-custodial parent; however the custodial parent will brush off the questioning by saying things like “They just don’t love you” or “they don’t want to see you anymore.” This parent is often viewed as an annoying acquaintance and an inconvenience to the child’s life. In this situation, the custodial parent will stop at no means to ruin any relationship between the child and non-custodial parent. This is a situation where the child has no say in anything that happens and is pretty much “locked away” from the other parent.
The second criteria establishes false accusations from the custodial parent toward the non-custodial parent. The custodial parent reports abuse, such as sexual abuse to a court or processor during a divorce or dissolution process as an attempt to keep the parent away from the child. Circumstances including false accusations often take place in situations where small children are involved as they are easier to manipulate by the false allegations. The form of abuse a parent accuses the other parent can be sexual, physical, or emotional; each possessing their own set of challenges to prove or disprove during a divorce process. If one facet of an accusation is founded to be false, generally, a psychologist or evaluator will discard all accusations of abuse. This type of PAS is often displayed by the parent seeking primary custody as proving that a parent is abusive is grounds for loss of any custody and visitation and may result in no visitation for the non-custodial parent or limited supervised visitation. False reports of child abuse are often evident after consistant refusal of visitation as the custodial parent may use abuse allegations as a way to ensure you will not be able to visit with the child.
The third criteria is considered a deterioration of the relationship between parent and child since separation. This criteria is evident when, prior to divorce, both parents shared equal parenting and spent roughly the same amount of time with the children in accordance to work schedules. Although this may be a situation that occurs naturally due to the non-custodial parent moving away, any blocking or restricting of contact is considered to influence a deterioration of a parent and child relationship. If both parents were involved in the life of the child before the divorce or separation took place, each parent should be entitled to nearly 50% of a time share with the child. This is a simple request when both parents live in the same town and can maintain custody of the child while allowing the child to have the same friends, attend the same school, and live the same lifestyle from two different homes. If the parent does not live close enough for a 50/50 time share, the custodial parent should work with the non-custodial parent to establish a healthy relationship with the child. By refusing to work on a visitation schedule, allow parenting time between the child and non-custodial parent because it does not fit your schedule or keeping the child away from the parent for no legitimate reason can result in a drastic deterioration of the relationship.
The fourth and final criteria used to evaluation Parental Alienation Syndrome is expressed through an intense fear reaction by the child. The child is often found in a situation where the custodial parent created an atmosphere where everything has to be their way or there will be serious consequences. This parent will create a fear based environment where the child is afraid to go visit the other parent. The custodial parent may create a mentality in the child where any contact with the non-custodial parent is a form of neglect or disrespect for the custodial parent. This child often fears that they will lose love from the custodial parent and refuse visitation because of the custodial parent’s influence over the situation. This form of alienation is difficult in older children as they often learn to manipulate the situation and turn one parent against the other in order to benefit their needs. This form of PAS is most evident and recognized by evaluators during divorce or separation process. This criteria is often seen after a custody arrangement is established as the custodial parent will use manipulation to steer the child away from the non-custodial parent.
Parental alienation is viewed by most states as a form of child abuse. To prove PAS, a non-custodial parent should log all events that could reflect alienation. Keep a log of refused phone calls, denied visitation, or any other forms of interference between parent and child. Log situations where the child says anything out of the ordinary such as “you used to hit me when I was a child” or “mommy said you did bad things to me” or anything that could be viewed as a parent manipulating the child into believing the parent hurt them. In general, you know your child better than any other person or professional. You know how to recognize normal behavior in the child and have the ability to determine when something wrong is happening. If a custodial parent interferes with the relationship to the point of outright refusing to allow you to see the child, file a motion for contempt or modification as soon as possible. Consider hiring a lawyer who specializes in child abuse or PAS situations. A parent who conducts PAS can lose all custodial rights of the child.