It’s An NBA Extravaganza! Part 1: The Eastern Conference
Yesterday I spent way too many words and a bottle of whiskey reviewing the Eastern Conference. The problem is that I didn’t learn my lesson. Let’s get to the Western Conference, which I believe has much more parody and competition.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Name a problem and I guarantee you it’s happened to the Hornets. Grumbling superstar wanting out? Check. Rejected trade? Yep. Injuries? Absolutely. Nothing has gone right for New Orleans, and it continues to get worst as the season progresses (though I will admit that I’ve seen them play way too many times this year, including in person, and I swear they have the most exciting bench in the league. No, I’m not referring to the players that actually come off their bench to make an impact in the game. I’m talking about how exciting they are while they’re sitting on the sidelines. Next time you come across a Hornets game, stop and watch those guys for one second. After EVERY made shot, Aminu will jump on Jason Smiths back while Ayon and Belinelli run around and holler like they’re at an AND 1 dunk contest. It’s awesome).
Yes, you’re reading this correctly. I only have one Honorable Mention in the West. Like I said, the competition is stiff.
PRETENDERSI feel like the Kings should hire a personal therapist with the sole job of pulling Tyreke to the corner after every game in order to tell him “It’s not your fault” (don’t shake your head. You knew it was eventually coming. And if you’re keeping count, that’s two Good Will Hunting references over the course of the past two days). The dude has been incredible on a team of misfits. I understand how talented Cousins is, but I can’t call him Robin until he gets his head straight. I’m still unsure whether he’ll end up being Terrell Owens (a knucklehead that actually performs) or Dez Bryant (a knucklehead that has more public violations than catches). I really thought the Marc Jackson hire was a joke. I just figured Golden State was swept away from the catchy “Hand down, Man Dooooown” and “Mama, theeeere goes thaaaaat man” growls that he was prone to use before every commercial break. But you know what? The Warriors are playing defense! And with more than a few standouts (Ellis, Curry, Lee, Wright), I feel like they’re on the right track. A star in the midst of his decline who’s too classy to ask for a trade, one underrated center, and a bunch of guys that are still searching for a role. There. I just described Phoenix in one sentence. Memphis knocking off the Spurs in dominating fashion last April might’ve been the shock of the season. They absolutely man handled them in the paint. But with an injured Z-Bo, I’m not sure they can make another miracle run. Sure, he might be back in time for the playoffs, but in what condition? What if I told you that Kevin McHale is not only a better head coach than GM (not hard), but also making a run at Coach of the Year? Insane, right? Well, it’s happening. The Rockets might not have a face for their franchise, but they’re doing one hell of a job with the cards they were dealt. McHale basically runs the team like a mad scientist, and I can’t get enough of it. It doesn’t matter if Lowry, Martin, and/or Scola are playing well. If his bench (filled out with guys like Dragic, Budinger, Lee, and Patterson) is more effective at the time, he’s rolling with them. A few moves at the deadline, and who knows what will happen towards the end of the year (and let’s not forget to mention that every time Budinger gets on a hot streak, the Houston play-by-play guy will yell “Hey Bud, let’s party!” Why isn’t this on a shirt yet? We need this to happen). I only have two theories on why Kahn is actually making the correct moves for once: 1) He’s hid his genius this entire time, scouting Rubio and D-Will heavily in an attempt to fool everyone into thinking he didn’t want them, or 2) Elaine walked down the street, accidently ran into Bizarro Kahn, and drug him back to be the Wolves GM. I’m leaning towards the latter. And currently, Rubio is the most exciting player in the NBA. He’s always up to something. The majority enjoy making Pistol Pete comparisons, but I prefer to use vintage Kidd. His shot will get better over time. Meanwhile, Minnesota needs to begin worrying about Love. Sure, they locked him up, but not for the longest possible time. How do you think he felt when it was announced that Westbrook received an even bigger extension only a day before? After all, this is a guy that MADE himself into a player through hard work. There’s no doubt you can win it all with Love as your number one…if he sticks around.
CONTENDERS
Fine. I’ll get to it. Allow me to summarize the Mavericks season with one simple sentence: Where the hell is Dirk and Odom? It’s reassuring that the Nowitzki of old has shown up for four games in a row (when he was clearly out of shape for the majority of the young season), but Lamar is by-far a different player. What happened to Laker Odom, in which he was an All-Star, sixth man of the year, and top 15 player? Did Khloe eat him? After all, he was acquired because of the offseason losses. When Tyson and JJ were let go (well, kind of. Both were offered huge one year contracts, but turned them down in order to pursue long term deals), it was the equivalent of Will telling Minnie Driver he didn’t want to move to California with her (that’s 3). In both instances, my heart was crushed. But that’s beside the point. What happened afterwards is what matters. Cuban displayed his take-initiative attitude by acquiring Odom for two cents on the dollar, a few Need To Prove Something players in West and Wright, and Fat Vince Carter. And you know what? Fat Vince Carter is playing defense! I’m sure all the credit goes to Carlisle, but a part of me still thinks that FVC figured he could still take all the credit if he makes defensive stops when the world is watching. My final thoughts on the matter? Who cares. It’s working. In fact, FVC is arguably the MVP for the Mavericks up to this point. The goal for Dallas is to simply make it to the postseason and let hard work pay off. If I ever have a serious injury in my lifetime, I plan on flying straight to the German doctor that magically healed Peyton, A-Rod, and Kobe. Hell, Bryant was supposed to miss the first couple weeks of the season. Instead, he’s currently leading the league in scoring. The Lakers have problems all over the place, including Kobe being back in Trade Shaq So I Can Score 60 Points A Game mode, but they’re still the Lakers, so they’ll still probably be in the mix around June. Ok, let’s be honest. Do you REALLY care that Millsap was screwed out of an All-Star selection? Come on. You and I both know that nobody watches that thing besides me, Bill Simmons, and Spike Lee. The Jazz front court is outstanding, and a possible deep run in the playoffs should be all the credit Millsap needs. Besides, Dirk wouldn’t of screwed the entire NBA out of that last spot if Millsap was voted in, so let’s just leave it be. I really don’t understand how Portland ever loses. They had an incredible team last season, yet somehow got better by adding veteran guards Felton and “The Difference” Jamal Crawford (which makes me wonder if we’re in an All-Time Era for nicknames. Think about it. Half Man-Half AmAsian? The Answer? The Difference? I think we can go ahead and top this off by referring to Eddy Curry as “The Sandwich” and Kris Humphries as “The Herpes”). Why hasn’t anyone heard of Ty Lawson? Sit down and watch a few possessions next time you come across a Nuggets game (if you can pull your eyes off the Birdman). He might be the most underrated point guard in the league. And who backs him up? None other than Andre Miller, who would be starting for half the teams in the league right now. With a healthy Gallinari and Chinese fugitive J.R Smith, the Nuggets are a team to fear. At this point, I’m really not sure who’s older: Tim Duncan or Keith Richards. Someone google it. And the Spurs might not be on the correct path to finding successors, but I guess it doesn’t matter. As long as they have Duncan, Pops, Ginobli’s nose, and Parker’s wife-stealing intangibles, San Antonio will always hang around…unfortunately. So The Battle of Lob Angeles didn’t take. Can’t blame a man for trying. However, I’m perfectly fine with Lob City, and apparently Donald Sterling is too. The Clippers are playing great together despite having key players miss time. And CP3’s best attribute is being displayed on a nightly basis. Forget that he’s the best point guard in the league. The most amazing thing about the young superstar is that when the moment becomes bigger than him, he rises to the occasion. Watch the final minutes of a Clips game sometime. He doesn’t take over in Kobe fashion, firing up low percentage shots towards the end of every possession (though nothing is really considered low percentage when it comes to Kobe). He instead mimics Isiah Thomas, driving and dishing when need be. With Paul at the point, and Griffin throwing down dunks like this one, the sky is the limit. The favorite to take the West from the first tip-off, the Thunder have done nothing short of showing why they’re a dominant team. The most interesting part is that ever since Westbrook received his extension, he’s played OUT OF HIS MIND. He even defers to Durant for the final shots of games (sometimes). Not sure if it was his brilliant plan all along, but now that he’s locked up for the next five years, he’s playing pissed. Sprinkle that on top of an automatic two points (Durant), Mr. 20 Blocks Per Game (Ibaka), a Perkins that only gets mad at Lebron, and the glue-guy (Harden) and you have a team that matches up well with anyone.
Only time will tell who sees each other in the end, but atleast you’re caught up for now. So, how do ya like dem apples?