Interview with Mr. Marano

My name is Francesco Pravitz and I work as a writer for “Real Stories Magazine.” I am a single man of 31 years of age who has made a successful career in Hollywood. At work I was assigned to interview with Mr. Marano and write a story regarding an incident he encountered with a squirrel.

Miros Van (my boss): “Francesco Pravitz I have an assignment for you.” Francesco Pravitz: “Yes, what’s the assignment about?” Miros Van: “Mr.Marano was attacked by a squirrel and I need for you to write his story, so I want you to go right now and visit him.” I had to take the elevator because I work on the 30th floor of the building. I took my black Ferrari and I wore my black sun glasses to look more professional. It took me 20 minutes to arrive at Mr. Marano’s house.

When I arrived, I saw a man sitting outside smoking a Latin American cigar, but I couldn’t tell if it was a Cuban or a Nicaraguan cigar, all I could tell it was from a Latin American country. When the man saw me, he arose from his wooden chair and he approached me and shook my hand. Mr.Marano: “You arrived soon, I’m pretty sure you are the writer who comes to interview me in order to write my story.” Francesco Pravitz: “Yes, I am, and how did you know I’m the one who is going to write your story?” Mr.Marano: “Because not everyone has such an exotic car like the one you have; I have always wanted one of those beauties.” Francesco Pravitz: “Well if you want a Ferrari you are going to have to start by selling some Cuban or Nicaraguan cigars or work 24/7.” (With a smirk on his face, but Mr.Marano did not like Francesco’s joke, so Mr. Marano changed the subject).

Mr. Marano: “We should go inside the house and begin.” Mr. Marano: “Oh, yes I want you to interview me because I must be somewhere else later.” (Francesco Pravitz and Mr.Marano walked towards the house and went inside. Both sat on separate seats facing each other having in between 3 ft. of distance. Francesco used a recorder to commence recording the interview).Francesco Pravitz: “The day you were attacked by the squirrel, what was it that you were doing outside?” Mr. Marano: “I was just walking around the neighborhood.” Francesco Pravitz: “Do you walk daily?” Mr. Marano: “I only walk twice a week.” Francesco Pravitz: “Do you remember how the weather was that day?” Mr. Marano: “it was nice, bright and not too warm.” Francesco Pravitz: “Did you take any snack with you that day?” Mr. Marano: “I took a bag of nuts.”

Francesco Pravitz: “Now tell me the entire story of how you got attacked by the squirrel; give me as much detail you remember.” Mr. Marano: “When I wanted to sit somewhere just to rest, I saw an acorn tree and I went over to sit beneath it. Then I began eating my peanuts and when I finished eating my peanuts. I spotted a squirrel on a branch of the acorn tree and he began to run and jump on the branches, well I assumed it was a male squirrel because it was pretty strong to make the branches drop many acorns on the ground and on my bald head. Seconds later I grabbed an acorn from the ground and I was trying to crack it but I could not. Seconds later, I felt something went inside of my shirt and began to run all over my body feeling its little claws scratching my chest, belly, and it even bit me in those same areas. Then I decided to throw my self on the ground and roll over like a dog; I did this to see if the squirrel would stop. When I had the feeling he stopped, I didn’t roll no longer on the ground and got up to see if I smashed him, but I didn’t see his little body on the ground and I wondered where he could be? And then I felt that he was in my underwear feeling his small teeth biting my testicles, so I decided to hit my private part against the tree. Then a kid and his mother were walking by and the kid saw me, so the mother covered the son’s eyes and she called me an exhibitionist pervert. The mother began screaming (there is a pervert on the loose, someone call the police!) I ran and I saw the squirrel rip through the zipper of my pants like a mutant squirrel with super strength. When the woman saw the squirrel rip through the zipper of my pants, she began calling me (You are a squirrel rapist, you sick bastard!) A neighbor heard the woman scream, and he asks the woman (What is wrong madam?) The woman said (That man who is running performed a sexual display raping a squirrel in front of my son and me.) The neighbor called the police but by the time the police arrived I was gone. When I reached a stop on the next block I saw my girlfriend and she saw me too. I was very tired and she gave me a lift so I told her what had happen and she took me to the hospital. The doctor who saw me gave me some anti-biotic for my wounds but luckily I didn’t have any rabies. My girlfriend took care of me for three weeks.” Francesco Pravitz: “Did that incident affect you in any way?” Mr. Marano: “Yes, it did, sometimes I have nightmares that the squirrel is in my bed and I can feel him biting my testicles with his little teeth, and I wake up screaming.” Francesco Pravitz: “Have you planned to have a psychologist look at you so he/her can assist you in your trauma?” Mr.Marano: “Not really, but if this problem persists, then I’ll have to see a psychologist.” Francesco Pravitz: “What would you do different next time?” Mr. Marano: “I won’t get near an acorn tree, or any tree, because it is likely that a squirrel will be present there.” Francesco Pravitz: “What is your full name; how old are you, what is your birth place?” Mr. Marano: “My full name is Milton Roll Marano and I am 45 yrs. old originally from Tampa Bay, Florida.” Francesco Pravitz: “Mr.Marano, thank you for sharing with me and give me some time to write your story and be publish in “Real Stories” magazine. I will pay you $500 dollars for your time.” Mr. Marano: “Thank you very much, I really did not expect this, but I’ll take it.”(Smiling for receiving a sum of money) Francesco Pravitz: “Do as you please with the sum of money, it’s yours to keep, and you will receive the next edition of the “Real Stories” magazine where your story is going to be publish, bye.” (Francesco left and reported to his boss that he was back from interviewing Mr. Marano.)

Miros Van: “You should begin typing Mr. Marano’s story so it can be publish as soon as possible.” (Francesco went to his office and played the recorder and he began typing the story. He decided to call Mr. Marano’s story “Marano vs. Squirrel.” When I finished typing the story I had to send it to the editorial department. I remember it was 7 p.m. when I finished the story. In a month and 20 days Mr. Marano’s story “Marano vs. Squirrel” was published by “Real Stories” magazine. Many people who read our magazine found “Marano vs. Squirrel” very amusing and they spoke about it very much. Mr. Marano due to the popularity of his story, he got the chance to appear in comical commercials, and in fact many comedians made jokes about the story of Mr. Marano.


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