“I want to be the most beautiful girl in your eyes” I told him while holding his head lightly, brushing his hair softly with my hands. I felt his shallow breathing, his heartbeat’s slowly disappearing. I held his hands tightly. I couldn’t just let him go. I cried as he wipes the tears that kept running down my cheek.
“Do you still remember?” he asked me in such a low voice, I could barely hear him. He tried to speak again but no words came out from his mouth. He looked at me and smiled as tears fell from his eyes. Then it hits me, he couldn’t see me, he was already blind. What am I thinking? Why did I have to ask such a foolish question?
“That painting” He spoke once more, pointing at no where. Yet I know what he was talking about. Instantly, pictures flew inside my mind, I remembered how we used to be. Everything became clear again. It hurts even more.
A few months before…
*CRIINNG!!* the bell rings, I was already late. I started to run as fast as I can. “RUN LIKE THE WIND! BULL’S EYE!” I told myself, my teacher is going to kick my butt if I’m late again. I was running really fast that I didn’t notice the boy in front of me, I bumped into him. He fell down, I slipped.
“OUCH!” I exclaimed. He was scratching his head; I guess he was hurt too. I slapped my mouth shut when I realized that I wasn’t the only one hurt.
He stood up and reached for my hand. He gave me a sweet smile. I took his hand, but I didn’t smile back. I saw his eyes; they were as blue as an ocean, too beautiful for a boy. I stared at him for about 10 seconds…. unconsciously leaning forward until I was only a few inches away from the pretty boy. I blushed.
“BOO!”
“W-wh-what?!?” My eyes widens as I asked him shyly. My face became as red as a tomato. I couldn’t even look at him now, how embarrassing. He was about to speak when I heard the bell ring again, now I’m really late! I clumsily ran away without even saying sorry or goodbye.
“Later!” I heard him call from my back. I froze on the spot. I looked back and awkwardly smiled at him. He smiles back, perfectly. I shook my head and ran back to class. When I glanced at the classroom’s window, he was just standing there. He went away when he saw me sit down. I didn’t bother to think about him again, all that was important is the fact that, thank goodness, I wasn’t late.
A few days have passed, I didn’t see him again. But I found out that he has a girlfriend, a beautiful one named Keira, while he was Travis. I also learned that he was the same age as I am. A painter, a basketball player and an honor student, yet I still think he’s an ordinary boy. After meeting him, I knew he wasn’t a clone of those popular snobs I see everyday.
“SHANTI!” Someone shouted, the voice sounded familiar. Someone I meet before? Travis’s face pops out from my head. My feet trembles, my knees shakes as I turned around. I saw the same eyes I once saw before, only now even bluer.
He runs to me with something on his arms. I asked him what it was; he said it was mirror. He showed me a beautifully wrapped present. I curiously took off the wrapper, leaving the ribbon on top of the frame. My eyes went big when I saw a portrait, a portrait of me. The same look I had when I started at him.
“Travis…” A girl from a far said, it was Keira. He looks startled, yet after a while he went back to his old calm self. He gave me the painting, I carefully I took it.
He didn’t even bother to say good bye as he runs towards Keira. He smiled at her, only I felt like his smile before was a lot sweeter than the way he smiled at Keira.
“What were you doing?” Keira curiously asked.
“Nothing” He said as he walks with her.
I started to ask myself if they were really a couple, since they didn’t even held hands and they’re walking really far from each other. I wouldn’t even think they were friends if I was a stranger. But I guess I am just an outsider. Although someone did tell me that they were supposed to get married soon. They say it was an arranged marriage. But just after that though, they walked more closely to each other, I felt weird inside but I tried to shake those feelings off.
Since that day, I’ve always been meeting up with Travis. Every week he would give me a new painting, some were really random yet I was happy. The way he puts effort on making them, I knew he was going to be a famous painter one day.
As the days pass, his pretty eyes seem to get dim and dull. But I didn’t bother to ask. Maybe he was just tired. Or maybe it was my fault after using his umbrella yesterday. I wonder if he caught a cold.
Another day has passed, I kept looking at his paintings that already filled my room. I went to school thinking about where I would put his next painting. I passed by the gym and heard people screaming. “TRAVIS!!!” The fan girls were shouting. I forgot Travis was also a basketball player, a rookie to be exact.
He shoots, he scores! I smiled when he finally noticed me. He smiled and waved back. He seems paler today. His movements are also unsteady. I felt a bit uneasy. He was covered with sweat, and the other team seems a bit to rough on him. He was about to shoot when some guy pushed him. Just then without knowing the reason, he collapsed. I was shocked. I couldn’t move. People were screaming, crowding him. My mind went blank, I froze.
He was rushed to the hospital, Keira and I accompanied him. Only then did I realized I was already a part of his life, he was special to me. I clenched my fist while holding my chest. The doctor went in, Keira asked him what happened. He said that it was only fatigue. But it seems like he was lying, or probably ordered to lie.
“Thank goodness!” Keira was glad that it was nothing to be worried about. But I was even more worried now.
Travis lightly opened his eyes. He was probably awake for some time now. Yet no one noticed. I saw a tear fall from his eyes. I knew right then and there that it wasn’t just fatigue. His beautiful eyes that stared helplessly at me, they looked really tired.
Keira and I left after a while. I didn’t want to leave, but I couldn’t stay either. Although that wasn’t the best choice ever, I couldn’t even sleep when I got home. I tossed and turned and even let myself fall on the floor. But it was no use, I need to go back to the hospital.
*DINGDONG!* the doorbell rang when I stood up. I ran downstairs and when I opened it, there he was standing like a there like a bloodless fool. As soon as he got out of the hospital, he went to my house. That’s what he said, but I had a weird feeling that this guy just wanted to escape. He smiled, yet it seems like it didn’t felt real. I smiled, and I knew he knows it’s fake.
“Where are my paintings?” He asked me after being silent for the longest time.
“Inside my room” I replied as I point out where my room was.
He asked me if he could see them. How could I refuse? We went upstairs to where my room was. As I was about to open the door, he held my hand. Not like couples would but like how a person who couldn’t breathe would. How a sick person would ask for assistance.
We went inside, as soon as he saw his paintings he asked if he could go to sleep on my bed. I wanted to refuse, he can’t sleep, he can’t close his eyes. Yet once again I saw his sweet smile. I couldn’t say no.
“You can sing right?” He asked me as he gently lies down. He was looking at his paintings so intensely, inspecting every details carefully. He suspiciously fixes his pillow, then looks at me waiting for an answer.
“No” I then answered, yet I sang for him.
“Before we go to sleep tonight
We’ll say our prayers I’ll hold you tight
And kiss away the fears you hold inside you
So many years have passed us by
I cherish the moments by your side
A love like ours will only grow much stronger
I want to tell you
That forever more I’ll be the one to love you, to love you
When you need me I’ll be there to make you smile
And forever more I’ll be the one you come to
I’ll be the one to love you when the morning comes”
He was smiling, yet I wanted to cry like a child. His eyes were firmly closed, was he sleeping? I guess not.
He fainted once again. He was rushed back to the hospital and was diagnose to have brain tumor. The tumor is near his optic nerve, now his eyes are at risk and can cause him to become blind. I didn’t cry as when I saw him sleeping there. Keira ran toward him. I felt a gush of wind pass by me. She hugged Travis. Just then a tear fell from my eyes, I just wiped my tears and went home.
That night, Keira left Travis alone. Nobody was accompanying Travis. Both his parents called me and asked if I could stay with him, I agreed. I remember when he told me that his parents didn’t love him, I didn’t believe him, but now I think I do. I just didn’t want to.
I went inside his room, he was still awake.
“What are you wearing?” He mischievously asked me.
That remark made me giggle a bit for I was still wearing my bunny slippers. He heard me, I think that made him smile. I guess he realized what I was wearing.
He seems happy that I was there. He was happy that someone cares for him. He had his eyes opened the whole time.
“Go to sleep.”
“But I want to try to sleep with my eyes open. I think it’s possible now.”
He childishly said. I don’t know whether I should pity him or scold him, should I be happy as he is? Is he really happy?
I waited for him to fall asleep. But I guess I fell asleep first. I had a dream, a dream about him. He was smiling. He was still smiling with those blue eyes.
I suddenly woke up with tears on my pillow. I watched him sleep. I want to see that smile again. He was sleeping soundly, yet I knew he was going to go somewhere really far. My tears won’t stop falling as I bit my lips, while trying my best to stop crying. He woke up mostly because of my squeaky voice.
“Shanti.”
He took my hand. Not as a sick person would but as a loved one would. My hands were shaking when I felt how cold his hands have become.
“I want to be the most beautiful girl in your eyes” I told him while holding his head lightly, brushing his hair softly with my hands. I felt his shallow breathing, his heartbeat’s slowly disappearing. I held his hands tightly. I couldn’t just let him go. I cried as he wipes the tears that kept running down my cheek.
He didn’t speak, I knew what I was saying was impossible now, no even before it was.
“That painting” He spoke once more, pointing at no where. Yet I know what he was talking about. Does he still think he’s inside my room?
“Take care of it” He told me, his grip was tighter than before.
How could he go so easily? How can he leave me like this? He was fine before. How could I not notice? I was unbelievable.
His hand was starting to slip away from mine. I held them tighter.
“TRAVIS I…”
The medical monitor sounded different. The nurse went in and called the doctors. His heartbeat stops. He’s gone. His hands slipped away from mine, I couldn’t hold on to him. My hands felt numb. All I could do was cry. I… I hated myself for being weak.
His parents took me back home; in the car they confessed that they were just his foster parents. They didn’t seem to be affected by his sudden death. It seems like they knew that this would happen. They also confessed that the marriage between Keira and Travis was only contract. So the arranged marriage was true. I felt terrible, no, I felt lifeless.
Inside my room I lay down the bed he was once on. I could still feel his presence. I remember him pointing at a painting in the hospital. I pointed the same way he was pointing, it was my portrait. The first painting he gave me. I went near it and noticed the ribbon was still on the painting. I took the ribbon, inside that big ribbon a small paper fell. It was note…
“I never saw such innocent eyes…
Eyes that weren’t cold as ice…
Eyes that were real..
Eyes that I could feel..”
It was poem he wrote, I then remembered the day he was acting suspicious. I looked at my pillow and I was right, beneath it was another note…
“You are the most beautiful girl in my eyes
It may be wrong but I’ve fallen in love with you..
Thank you for taking care of me…
Thank you for making feel that someone loves me…
But I’m sorry that I loved you
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…
I’m sorry but I love you”
I was trembling. I fell on my knees and cried. That’s when I realized, I loved him too. But even I couldn’t tell him. I looked at his paintings, I remembered his smile. That’s when I realized that even if he’s gone, memories of him will forever be in my room.