How Far is Too Far to Discipline when You’re Babysitting?

Several months ago there was a hullabaloo on the Dr. Phil show about a mother who would punish her adopted son with hot sauce squirted in his mouth and ice cold showers. Even the description made me cringe, and I knew that if I watched the video the mother made of herself, I would be tempted to hunt her down and force the same punishments on her as she did her son.

I started babysitting when I was 12, which was great because I was young enough to behave more as a “friend” than as a babysitter to the kids I babysat (they were barely younger than me). As I grew older and the age of the kids I was babysitting grew younger (I babysat A LOT of kids through their terrible twos) it became harder to draw the line between what I would allow children to do (or put me through) and when enough was enough, and when a child needed to be disciplined. Some parents said it was perfectly fine if I spanked their children if they got out of hand (I never did, thank goodness), while some parents shied away from the idea of me even putting a child in time out for five minutes. While for the most part the kids I behaved were perfectly well-behaved, there are several occasions that I had to administer some mild discipline; whether it be that they couldn’t have dessert after dinner, time-out, or even sending a child to bed early. It was something that I found horribly difficult to do however, and like many of my peers, there are times that I should’ve been a little bit more strict, instead of giving in/giving up to a kid I was babysitting.

One of the most helpful things that I’ve ever done was I printed out a sheet of “babysitting expectations” that I gave to each family before I began to work for them. It not only outlined essentials such as emergency numbers and allergies, but also things parents rarely think of telling their babysitter, such as how they usually discipline their child, and what sort of rules they expect kids to adhere to while mommy and daddy are gone. This list was essential when I was babysitting, because there was never a misunderstanding of what I could or could not do if things were getting out of hand. Above all, you want to respect the parents’ wishes, and make sure their child is safe and well-taken care of, but if the children you are babysitting are just pushing all the wrong buttons, here are the things I’ve learned both as a babysitter and a parent.

1. Take a two minute time out. Just step back from the immediate situation and take a deep breath. Don’t let anxiety or anger control your decisions.
2. Always know BEFOREHAND what the rules and expectations are. If you’re babysitting for a family that has no guidelines set whatsoever, it is nearly impossible to set them for the time you are there with the children.
3. Call the parents. Explain the situation/behavior. Most of the time, parents are completely understanding. A child’s behavior can be caused by all sorts of things; rarely are they acting out “just because.” Also, having the added back-up of a parent’s authority is usually enough to get children to use better behavior almost immediately.
4. Many babysitters forget this, but you ALSO have standards and expectations. While babysitting can be a tough job, that doesn’t mean you should let children (or parents!) walk all over you. Let parents know that you won’t tolerate outright rebellion or bad behavior by children, and let children know that you won’t let them bend the rules while mom and dad are out. Being firm means that no one gets any nasty surprises, and everyone can have fun.
5. Set up a list of “approved” acts of discipline that the parents use, but even if they say that it’s okay to spank their children, avoid this by all means possible. It can turn a simple job into endless stress and complications. It goes without saying that you should NEVER use a punishment for a child that has not been specifically okay-ed by the parents.
6. Don’t let it stress you out. Children generally can act-up without parents nearby because they are trying to impress the babysitter, or see how far they can push you (extra ice cream for dessert, please?) but stay firm, and above all, have fun.

And now, on the other side of the coin I use babysitters for dates or outings with friends. Before I leave however, I give my babysitter a thorough sheet of trouble areas I’ve been encountering recently (I don’t want to brush my teeth!) because it helps her to know it’s not just because she’s in charge. I show her our chore chart so both my son and the babysitter know that just because mom is away for the evening doesn’t mean that he can’t make his bed! Lastly, I leave her a list of what I consider appropriate discipline for my child; usually just a verbal cue is enough to get him to stop inappropriate behavior, but otherwise time-out works well, and that if it gets bad enough that he needs a time-out, to give me a quick call so I know what’s going on.

Let me know what you think: are you comfortable disciplining the children you babysit? Are you as a parent okay with the babysitter disciplining your children? Why or why not?


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