The phrase “in the best interest of the child” is a term that is bandied about by lawyers and judges. It is supposed to be the single most important factor in deciding child custody issues. What no one ever tells you is that the best interest standard only works if you can get your story heard and discredit the opposition. There is no concept of fairness here- you must have a good attorney to represent you or you will lose. This is especially true for single mothers, who must fight on more than one front to keep their children with them.
When You Should Fight and When You Shouldn’t
Before we get into how to pick the right attorney, we are going to talk a bit about whether or not you should be fighting in the first place. I am a single mother myself, and I am involved in a custody dispute with my ex. I spent a great deal of energy researching my situation long before I actually needed the knowledge. Most single mothers that I know, myself included, are stellar caregivers.
They know what it is to sacrifice personal longings to provide their child with necessities. They understand that when they go to Wal-Mart, they will not buy themselves a new pair of shoes because their son or daughter just had to have that new Buzz Lightyear Super Rocket backpack. They will spend countless hours cooking, cleaning, bathing, dressing, and kissing boo boos while holding down a full time job and trying to keep the lights on.
However, there are exceptions to this rule. Some mothers don’t have much interest in their kids. Theses single mom child custody issues surround children who are neglected, uncared for, or endangered. Kids deserve to have at least one parent that will look out for them. It doesn’t matter if that is the father or the mother. Some people need to fix themselves before they can be a suitable parent.
This article is written for the mothers who dedicate 110 percent of themselves to the task of raising their child in a happy and healthy environment. There are many reasons why you are entering a single mom child custody fight. None of them matter. Personal agendas and hard feelings have no place in this battle. Do what is best for the child, even if it means you lose, because ultimately they are the victims of this process.
Reasons you should NOT fight:
· You are afraid of being alone and having no one love you · You don’t want the other parent to win · You want the monthly check · You want the child in order to maintain control over everyone’s lives
If You Are Going to Fight, Get an Attorney
There are a lot of resources on Pro Se custody litigation available, but the best piece of advice I can give you is to forget the notion. Even if you are the smartest gal in your town, the opposition will likely hire a ferocious mad dog lawyer who will crush you beneath his heels as he dances around the courtroom. Get the best attorney you can afford, period.
That is not to say that learning about Pro Se litigation isn’t useful. I did a lot of research in this area when I was searching for answers. I put some of the information I found to use in my own case. For this reason, I have included a state-by-state self-help guide at the end of this article. However, I strongly believe that custody is too important an issue not to invest in real representation.
The truth does not always prevail. Like many others, I assumed that the goal of the trial was going to be to show the judge the truth. What I learned instead is that the truth is subjective, based on how good your legal council is. The opposition will present their version as the “Gods honest truth,” no matter how sick or twisted that is.
How to Find The Right Child Custody Lawyer
So, what exactly does “get a good attorney” mean? There are a lot of “ideal skills” that people look for in their legal representation. Good listening and writing abilities, a substantial knowledge of the law, and prior court experience are often touted as quality characteristics. In addition, some people look for ruthlessness and viciousness in a winning attorney. What really matters?
In my opinion, the critical factor in deciding who to hire is in figuring out which one is the “inside man.” You want the single mom child custody attorney that knows the judge well, is liked by them, and has a good reputation with the court. Judges love them because they can be relied upon to follow the rules. Their paperwork is concise and well prepared.
These attorneys can tell you in a heartbeat what the issues with your case truly are and what to do about it. They will tell you what your judge normally does in circumstances similar to yours, and what he or she will care about. They know from the minute they walk into a courtroom if the judge is in a good mood or a bad mood.
To figure out who this lawyer is, you are going to have to go to a few consultations with different ones. Start by phoning the office and asking how much the consultation fee is. Some are free, others charge in 30 or 60-minute intervals. Ask what the hourly charge is up front and how long they have been litigating custody cases in your area. Eliminate the ones you know that you couldn’t hope to afford. Make an appointment with the best three.
Before you go to the first consultation, make a list of questions that you want to ask about single mom child custody. You need to be very organized because you have to move through a lot of information in a short period. Once you are through, ask about cost. Sometimes the right choice will be clear. I knew right away which attorney I was going to hire, and she was the first one I met with.
If you really have no means of retaining an attorney of your own, you may be able to get free legal assistance. The Legal Services Corporation was established in 1974 to provide this type of help. You have to prove a very low income or extraordinarily high expenses, such as childcare. Most of these cases are resolved through mediation, so to some degree you will have to be your own advocate on important issues. You can locate the offices closest to you by calling the Federal Information Center and asking for a list of offices in your area.
State by State Pro Se Information on the web:
Alaska
http://www.state.ak.us/courts/selfhelp.htm
Arizona
http://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/ssc/sschome.htm
California
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp
Colorado
http://www.courts.state.co.us/chs/coourt/forms/selfhelpcenter.htm
Connecticut
http://www.jud.state.ct.us/selfhelp.htm
Delaware
www.courts.state.de.us/family
Florida
http://www.flcourts.org
Hawaii
www.state.hi.us/jud
Idaho
www2.state.id.us/cao
Illinois
http://www.illinoislawhelp.org
Indiana
www.state.in.us/judiciary
Louisiana
http://www.lawhelp.org/LA
Maine
www.helpmelaw.org
Massachusetts
www.state.ma.us/courts/selfhelp
Michigan
www.legalassistancecenter.org
Minnesota
http://www.mncourts.gov/selfhelp
New Jersey
www.judiciary.state.nj.us/prose/index.htm
New Mexico
www.nmcoourts.com
Nevada
www.co.clark.nm.us/district_court/self_help_center.htm
New York
www.nycourthelp.gov
North Carolina
http://www.aoc.state.nc.us/www/public/courts/meck/disk01/index.htm
Oregon
http://www.ojd.state.or.us
Tennessee
http://www.tals.org/home/publicweb
Utah
http://courtlink.utcourts.gov
Washington
http://www.courts.wa.gov/forms