If you have the time on a Saturday, head to your local soccer complex and spend about fifteen minutes amongst the passion, the glory, the rage, the fury, the pride, and the pain surrounding youth soccer. And I mean that literally. I am not referring to the game, or the players, but rather the parents and in many cases the coaches. It is a sad situation to run into, and it happens much more than one would think.
A player comes off the field holding back tears as the coach asks, “What’s wrong with you?”
The player responds, “my dad won’t stop yelling at me.”
Who is youth soccer for these days? Is it truly about the players, or has it morphed into some sick method for former competitors (parents) to relive their own lost glory days?
It is fair to say that not all parents are responsible for some kids quitting the game before age 13. There are parents that are supportive of the game, that applaud good play, that understand development, that don’t keep stats, that don’t ridicule officials; in other words, there are some level-headed parents on the sidelines. The problem, however, is that they are typically the quiet types. They won’t stand up for the game or their children.
Though I have never seen it first hand, it has been said that some developmental leagues have tried a verbal silence policy. You could whistle, clap, or snap, but to yell out anything in the direction of the field was frowned upon. Is this how far we must go? Do we have to tread upon 1st Amendment rights for the betterment of youth soccer?
No one is asking that parents completely shut down their emotions or their excitement. After all, the game would really lack something if parents didn’t cheer for good play, a great save, or a fantastic goal. I think what is being asked is that parents step back and try to see the big picture. What will it really matter ten…five…two years down the road, if a U12 girls team wins, loses, or ties on a given weekend. The truth is, it won’t.
I played competitive soccer for a youth club, for my high school, and at a Division I University. Altogether, it was about 17 years of competition. In all that time, I can honestly only remember about ten wins that I would consider relevant. Most were in high school, a few were from college, and probably two or three were from club soccer as a U16 player or older. The memories and results from U15 games and below have simply disappeared. There are a handful of U14 and U15 players that may have had a chance to compete at a Regional or National event, and that might create a lasting memory, but my point remains: why do we continue to place so much value in a result at such young ages? It is, after all, the result that stirs the drink of our emotions.
As a professional coach, I even hear parents at training sessions who get so worked up over a 4v4 small-sided game. (Insert your most memorable Allen Iverson quote). Maybe clubs should take after world soccer power Manchester United and not allow parents on the training grounds…period.
Back to the request. Our level-headed parents must be heard. They must not be afraid to speak to the one or two loud voices that become the focal point of a game. These parents need to take on a new responsibility, which is, for the sake of development, player enjoyment, and soccer in general, be the new standard in sideline behavior. Your coach will appreciate it, but more importantly, the players will discover a new found love for the game.