Why Am I Still Single? Advice From a Married Woman

by on July 12th, 2010
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I have been married for a little more than five years now. Single ladies often come to me for advice about finding a husband. Marriage is hard, but it works if you’re compatible as a couple. Here are some tips that I give the single ladies out there.

Don’t base your choice solely on looks. Some women that I know have married based on physical attraction. Don’t get me wrong, looks are important. However, a man needs to have more than good looks to make a marriage work.

Don’t be too picky. I’m not saying that you should lower your standards, just don’t write a guy off because he’s bow-legged or less than 6 feet tall if he has many nice qualities.

Make a list. Yes, I had a list of the qualities that I wanted (and didn’t want) in a man. Make sure your partner meets all the really important qualities that you’re looking for. (Sometimes you can know a person for years and not really “know” them as well as you think).

Make sure that you have common goals. You both should share similar views and values. By this, I mean family, religion, and career goals. If one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t, then you may want to rethink you compatibility. As a woman, if you want to continue in your career after you’re married, but your man wants you to be a stay-at-home mother, those are big differences. I think you get the idea. It’s better to find out before the wedding than after you say “I do” that you’re incompatible.

Marriage is not a race. Please, don’t try to beat another female to the altar, whether it’s a friend or family member. Don’t be so envious that you try to rush into a lifetime commitment with the wrong man. Everybody has their time. Most of my friends got married before I did. Instead of being envious, I was happy for them. You just have to wait your turn. I recall someone trying to beat me to the altar. She didn’t because that man was not for her. She married someone else a few years later.

Don’t overlook your male friends. You may already know your Mr. Right, and you don’t even realize it. You might have a male friend that you go to the movies with, emails you everyday, and is there to listen to you after a horrible date. A lot of times, men aren’t necessarily hanging out with you to be one of the girls. You need to open your eyes and pay attention.

Learn how to enjoy being by yourself. There’s nothing wrong with going to the movies or dinner alone. Being alone does not mean lonely. I know with most of my friends, we have to pick a date and time to hang out because we have busy schedules. Get some time to yourself. If you enjoy being out by yourself, others will enjoy being around you as well. When you’re not so focused on finding a man, you might get a surprise.

This is the type of advice that I give to single women. I remember having the same types of questions when I was single. I just had to take time out, look at my life, and enjoy being by myself. After that, I realized that life certainly is full of surprises.


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