Maybe it’s me, but after a large storm such as Irene, with the first major rain that falls is when all the weirdos come out of the woodwork. It is also when everything floods again. Seriously, I am sitting at Starbucks and the ankles of my pink jeans are soaked. At the doctor’s office and at the drug store I somehow managed to park in two giant puddles. That and the rain that was falling-yeah my ankles are soaked. No one try to bite my ankles today, please.
Now back to the weirdos. Tell me, when you see tail lights of a car that is backing up, what do you do? Do you drive behind the car or do you stop and let the car continue to pull out? No matter what kind of rush we are all in, most of us would agree to stop and let the car continue to pull out. Who wants to get into an accident? Well, in one parking lot today I was proceeding to pull out of a parking space. I looked behind me and there was no one there. All of a sudden I hear brakes screech, and thus I stomp on my brakes. A dufus decided that he was going to speed into the parking lot and drive behind me as I was backing out. Did you not see my tail lights? There were no trucks or SUVS parked next to me. So I know you could see me! That dufus had the nerve to get mad at me!
Again, when you see tail lights of a car that is backing up, what do you do? Do you step out behind the car and continue walking or do yo u stop and let the car back up? Most of us would move to a safe spot and let the car continue to pull out right? Well, why do cankerous barnacles (thank-you Mr. Shakespeare) walk behind my car as I am pulling out? Do you have a death wish or something?
What about the geniuses who walk in the middle of the street? I have many examples of this. For one, how about the woman on the cell phone walking? Okay not walking, but very slowly strolling across the parking lot or even getting ready to cross at a light. In the parking lot, you are driving. She is on the side , safe and where she should be, and then like her arse is on fire jets out in front of your car. Then she gets made at you for slamming on your brakes. The light is green. So you are minding your business as you are rolling through an intersection when Miss Cell Phone steps off the ever loving curb into oncoming traffic. She’s as calm as a cucumber (who came up with that phrase?) as you slam on the brakes! She has no knowledge that you or any other vehicle was even there. I know some people who would politely flip Miss Cell Phone the finger.
How about the mother with her children in the parking lot? When I was a kid, we learned in elementary school that children are to be on the inside towards the curb. If I as a child knew this, how come people today do not know this? So one day mom and I are in the parking lot of the supermarket and we are searching for a spot. This eyebrow-licker decides that it’s best to walk down the center of the parking lot blocking traffic from both directions. Of course she doesn’t see anyone there. She’s in her own little world, one that doesn’t include actual motor vehicles, only ones that are invisible. H.G. Wells anyone?
The most mad-brained harpies (thank-you again Shakespeare) are joggers and bicyclists. People who jog at night are supposed to wear colors other than black. Why? Because at night you blend into everything! People can’t see you! You blend into the scenery! At least, wear a fluorescent vest or something so I can see you as you step out into traffic and cause an accident.
Bicyclists are a whole other beast. When I was in school we were told that we should drive our bikes single file-as in one behind the other,not six bikes to one lane and then wondering why every car from New York to California is honking at you. As if traffic in New York wasn’t bad enough, we then have those bicyclists and motorcyclists who weave in and out of traffic. Why follow the law? Only cars have to follow the law, right?
I am convinced that last statement is true. On I-495, which on Long Island is referred to as the Long Island Expressway, trucks speed so much so that the little turd bombers (that one isn’t Shakespearean in origin) run us cars off the road. Also trucks aren’t allowed in the far left lane or the HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle- which consists of two or more people…hardly HIGH occupancy, but it is essentially the carpool lane)lane, which is why they drive there, of course! Undergrad, getting on the highway to come home from school was a feat in itself. I had to survive the asphalt jungle somehow. I called it the “pray and drive.” You pray to high Heaven that a sixteen wheeler doesn’t speed past you and drive you into the brush.
Now, I’ve once again brought these half-faced nuthooks (yes, Shakespeare) to your attention, do everything in your power to educate them, or just simply laugh at them!
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