Teaching Self Control to Children

One of the most important lessons parents can ever teach their children is that of self-control. Being able to self monitor and make choices with thought and planning is an important skill that will impact a child’s life in many ways. Imagine being able to leave a room and know that your children will not bite each other, they will not automatically do things they’re not supposed to do, and it’s not because they are scared of you either. It’s because they have self-control and have learned the value of thinking before acting.

Teaching this type of self-control starts very early and requires consistency and thoughtful parenting. It can even feel harder than other parenting methods at first because it is very intensive and hands-on in terms of what it takes for the child to finally learn self control. But, it will stick with the child into their teen years and beyond, so it is more than worth the extra effort. The following strategies will help your child learn self-control and go far helping a child learn appropriate behaviors.

Time Out — This is a great method for not only children but parents. Taking a moment from any situation that is arousing anger or frustration can go very far in helping to alleviate a tense situation. It also gives the person taking a break time to think about his or her actions. Encourage children to give themselves a break from anything that is causing them to feel upset or angry on their own. Tell them they can call for a time out so they can think.

Pay Attention — Children, especially small children, give signs of over tiredness, or lack of attention. They show this by interrupting you incessantly, fussing, crying, throwing temper fits, and other behaviors that are less than desirable. If you teach your child to trust that you will provide them attention they will learn to be more patient and wait. When you say “Just a minute” or simply “No” you’re ignoring the fact that children need your attention. Instead say “When this egg timer goes off we will spend five minutes together” and then follow through.

Reward Them — Try catching your children being good and reward them. You don’t have to give them a gift, but you can give them a pat on the head, a “good job!” and most importantly a loving smile looking them in the eye showing them how much you care about them. Rewarding good behavior and actions go much farther than giving attention for undesirable behaviors.

Play Games — Act out scenarios with toys and puppets that address issues such as having to wait for something, or wanting something they can’t have. This will show that you understand what it’s like to want something you can’t have and how you deal with it. Acting out the best choices available with the toys will teach your children either how to ask politely for something or how to accept no for an answer.

Set the Example — If you as a parent are throwing temper fits when you’re angry, and over reacting to various situations you cannot expect anything less from your children. Children learn by watching you, therefore it is important that you react in ways that you feel are appropriate for your young children. Teenagers might “get it” that adults are different, but young children under 8 or 9 years of age do not understand. Therefore during this important time demonstrate the self-control that you want them to emulate.


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