When someone you loves decides to take their own life, you are definitely a victim of a crime. It can definitely be an experience that will eat at your insides and no one but you can work through the issues that the residue of this crime will leave you with. Trying to help you wrap your mind around why someone would opt out of this life verses stick it out could definitely keep ones therapist busy for a long time. I say this not as a therapist or expert by any means. I say this as someone who has experienced this first hand.
In 2007 my husband took his own life. He was suffering from what the experts call “Post Traumatic Stress Syndrom” from his experiences in Iraq during the war. His suicide was completely unexpected. He was the macho type who no one ever thought in a million years would do what he did. The entire event became a never ending nightmare in my head. From the moment he disappeared to the moment I had a multitude of detectives and officers show up at my door to deliver me with horrible news.
When I could finally process what had happened, the one thing I have found that each ‘victim’ has in common is blame. There was not one person who said “its not your fault” and that’s the one thing that one needs to hear after the horrible news. I am here to tell everyone that has been through what I have it is definitely not your fault! The professionals that showed up only gave me details and directions for closure to his life and personal effects. The option of helping me get past this ‘crime’ was not provided. I had to do that on my own with two very small children in tow. I was given so many books and sent to therapy and all the things that one does after the experience. I had not only myself to think about, but how to handle being a single parent now as well. I had two choices, curl up and not handle it or survive! You don’t think the option of survival is possible at first but this is clearly the best of the two.
The days turn into months and then finally years. You finally learn how to breathe again and to enjoy the simple things in life like a sunset or a good movie. The best way to overcome being the victim of the selfish actions of the one that you loved is to learn to live again. This takes TIME. In the beginning its really hard to understand this. I am sure every situation is different. I do not claim to be a professional at all. I am just a victor utilizing what each of us has within us – a choice. I choose to live and be happy and not defeated. I danced until I couldn’t dance anymore to get through the pain. I learned to laugh again and to embrace life and all that he left behind.
Each of us can be a victim of hate, violence and crime. I feel its how you choose to deal with it can make you or break you. Move from victim to victor. If I can do it, anyone can!