Sometimes, You Just Don’t Know

When asking someone who proposed after only one month if they thought about whether or not their decision was hasty, considering the serious commitment it posed, they replied to me, “No, sometimes you just know.” This statement is one that I personally think is, for lack of a better way to say it, dumb. I say this because one can never just “know.” There are millions of different situations, influences, tragedies and occurrences that may turn that person you love into a monster that you never thought could have existed. Fifty percent of marriages fail in America these days, and quotes like this one, along with people’s heads being filled with unrealistic expectations, are only a couple of the things to blame.

There are a few common struggles that put stress on relationships that I have dealt with, yet gotten through personally. Money, family issues, trust and balancing the household responsibilities. With the right communication skills and mindset, any couple can work together to get through them, but if that couple has only been together for one month, there is no way they have already faced these troubles together, nor have experienced how each other would react and respond to them.

Money can make or break a relationship, but if a relationship is strong, money shouldn’t be able to break it. There is always a way out, but if your significant other keeps making the same mistakes over and over, there is no way to guarantee this will change during any other part of your life, and it may be a consistent problem. This is a situation that can be solved simply by taking the time to date eachother, recognize it, communicate and fix the problem, before any long-term commitments are made in which investments may be shared, as well as financial struggles.

Family issues are another key problem. If your significant other completely clashes with your close family members, it can be embarrassing, depressing, even heart breaking. Couples who plan on committing to each other in the future need to meet each other’s families, get to know them and try to build a relationship. It’s not necessary to be best friends, but who knows? Family is a key part of the structure to anyone’s life, and if the person you love disrespects or is disrespected by your family, it can maintain a struggle that deems problematic, pulling one in different directions in which they try to decide who’s side to be on. Not everyone needs to like each other but respect should at least be exercised. This is also gained by dating for an extended period of time before jumping into a commitment like marriage.

Trust is HUGE. But privacy is also huge. If both parties trust each other, both parties should respect the other’s privacy. Once trust is broken, it can be a huge game over, even if it only involves something petty and simple. Both men and women can make a big deal over even just one small lie. A couple must always be truthful to one another. The more truth that is shared, the more vulnerable one may become, and with vulnerability comes trust. If one is demanding to know where the other is all the time, or to have the passwords to their personal accounts and whatnot, that is a deliberate display of their lack of trust. Granted, if the other person is displaying behavior that is concerning the other to this point, they are not earning the trust either. Therefore, it goes both ways.

One of the big steps in a relationship is, moving in together. This helps a couple build their relationship to a whole new level. They are now sharing responsibilities, finances, possibly a pet, and having the chance to spend time together and build their relationship day and night. This is the time to recognize weaknesses in certain responsibilities. In example, some women like to take care of their man and cook for them, clean, and so on, and many men like the pampering. However, in this day and age, women work as much, if not more than men, and they are doing this much less, and expecting much more help out of their man. If there are problems in the distribution of responsibilities, it is key to communicate them before it builds up to be a problem and one person is considered lazier than the other. Someone is bound to become angry and feel unappreciated. Appreciation should be part of every minute of a relationship. Once someone feels unappreciated, it’s a hard burden to mend.

Now to the point. These are but a few key possibilities of problems in a relationship, and yet, they are problems no one could know unless faced with them. Certain things can change a person. Depression from financial struggle, death of a loved one, loss of a friend, bad grades, feeling unappreciated, etc.; there are a million different scenarios that can change the person you, “Just knew about,” into the person you “just don’t know anymore.” Granted, everyone changes throughout their lives, but, in a strong relationship, a couple can change and grow together.

A good thing to remember, is not to rush things. If they are really the one that you think you will spend the rest of your life with, a couple years isn’t a long time to wait, considering the fact you know you have the rest of your lives together. Feel the ups and downs, get to know each other, experience each other, communicate with each other, and love each other, and you can be a proud couple to be part of the 50 percent in America who made it to the end.


People also view

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *