I am not a fan of football in way, shape, or form. It’s not because of the 22 men playing for a college or pro team are running up and down the field chasing each other. It has nothing to do with 22 grown men slapping each other on the rear end. It has nothing to do with 22 men acting like children when they lose.
Here are the 22 reasons why college and the NFL football season sucks:
NOTE: Most of these reasons are highly exaggerated and are written for amusement only.
* College and pro football hog 22 channels of my 23 channel cable package.
* Football coverage is 22 minutes of a 30 minute news broadcast.
* Out of the 105 local news broadcasts per week, 2,310 minutes focus on football, what teams won, who flubbed up the most, which team will win their next game, and 22 players who have been injured during the past weeks worth of 22 games played.
* 22 hours of football on Saturday.
* 22 hours of football on Sunday.
* 22 hours of football Monday through Friday.
* The 66 hours of football watched during any given week takes at least that many people you have known out of your life during each season.
* You miss 22 hours of work a month during the football due to hangovers.
* 22 wives filed for divorce and none of the husbands understand why.
* 22 men cheated on their wives and they don’t understand why.
* 22 hours a day or week are being spent talking about pro and college football to people who really don’t care who’s playing who, who got hurt, or your favorite team sucks.
* 22 out of 30 people don’t care that your team lost because their favorite shows have been moved to 3 AM on Monday nights.
* The same 22 people are pissed because you Tivo’d over their latest episode of “Vampire Diaries.” By the way, it was the season finale where their favorite character was offed by………
* Every news outlet online has the latest big story on the latest big story about Joe Blow who blew it in last night’s game.
* Discovery Channel wants to know when they can have their giant apes back for the summer season of “Chester Ape and the Banana Eating, Pie Flinging Orangoutangs.”
* The 80 fools in the stands who are wearing shorts and shoes with the rest of their bodies painted in their team’s colors.
* Half-time crowds in the grocery stores are the rudest customers.
* There isn’t any parking left at the local grocery store on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon during half-time.
* Grandma thumbs it to the store in -32 degree temperatures to get milk because she knows she can’t find a parking place on Saturday or Sunday.
* Football is your religion and church is at the bottom of the list.
* You really think the players can hear you when you scream at the top of your lungs at the television and the dog runs and hides under the bed and won’t come out even during sex on a Friday night during the two minute commercial break you promised your spouse.
* Someone you don’t know will yank your chin over your head because you are misusing the word football.