A self proclaimed grumpy old man
Chases the neighborhood kids away gladly
With the biggest stick from an Oak Tree
That’s been around Shady Pines longer than him
Has a twisted sense of humor that would shock most
Mel Brooks and Billy Crystal might cringe sometimes
But Robin Williams would add some dirty tweaks to the jokes
Never decorates his house with any Christmas lights
Doesn’t believe in flashing too much holiday good cheer
Drinks the Egg Nog and donates to the Salvation Army
Will only sing “Silent Night” if he was drunk on Scotch
Would like to retire on a deserted island in the Bahamas
But the multiple zeroes in the imaginary Swiss Bank Account
Are sadly non-existent due to financial realities and heavy burdens
Rent in the thousands and car payments too steep to climb
The only mountain that can be climbed is the grocery molehill
Forced to eat Salt flavored Crow and return to the ruthless workforce
Where the bi-weekly paycheck was a tiny light at the end of each tunnel
Only a small step forward to the deserted island in his illogical dreams
More likely to live on the bizarre island on Lost that cruising over to paradise
Putting pennies on the dollar away in the Fort Knox of piggy banks
Getting one step closer each day to reaching the impossible ideal
There are more kids to chase away in the meantime
Got a big stick that can be used for the job?
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