I’ve never told many lies. I am not good at it. I prefer the truth; lies only cause more trouble. I tell myself and others that I am not lying; I am only speaking positively. I’m not sure if anyone believes me. I’m not sure I believe myself.
Not Hungry – I tell my daughter I’m not hungry when I put food from my tray onto hers when we are at the soup kitchens. The portions are so small and there are so many people to feed. There aren’t enough donations for all of us. I know that if I don’t give her some of my food that she will leave hungry. She’s a smart kid and probably knows better, but she doesn’t say anything to me about it.
Computer Doesn’t Work – I tell the internet monitor at the library that my computer doesn’t work when she notices I’ve signed up several times to use the free service that day. That is the truth; my computer really doesn’t work. I’m sure it would if I had some place to plug it up. She smiles and nods. I’m guessing she knows the truth.
Broken Gas Gage – I tell the people who help me push my car when I run out of gas that my gas gage is broken. That is also true. It is broken. I just fail to mention that is has been broken long enough for me to know how much is really in the tank. I don’t have the heart (or the nerve) to tell them I don’t have money for more gas.
Soon, Later and Someday – “Momma, when will we have a house?” my daughter asks. “Soon” is my response. I can’t tell her I don’t know when that will be. “Momma, can we go to McDonalds?” my daughter asks. “Later,” is my answer. We will go later. I don’t know when “later” will be. “Momma, can me and you go to church with Daddy?” my daughter asks. “Someday,” I reply. My faith tells it will be someday. My spiritual eyes can really see that.
Dust – “I have dust in my eyes,” I tell people when I cry. Libraries are dusty. Oklahoma roads are dusty. Shelter rooms and hallways are dusty. I really can’t be crying anyway. I have to be positive and upbeat. The “Momma” in me forces a smile so my baby’s heart won’t break the way mine is breaking.
My lying skills are seriously lacking. My faith, nonetheless, is strong. “I know whom I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able…” is what the Bible says. I believe it. I know that isn’t a lie.