“Man it was hot so hot…even the air had the smell of death-death in the air. It took me all of one hour to adjust to know that my life was in danger…that I could get killed-I was suddenly scared to death. I didn’t want to die. For the first time in my life I said to myself, “man these people could kill you-they could shoot you. Even your CO (commanding officer) could blow you away if he thought you showed any signs of being a coward…no evidence, no court martial, no trial-just-POW! and you-are-HISTORY!” (W. Sanders)
I wrote for Streetwise a Chicago based newspaper that catered to the city’s homeless population. Eventually I left them to write for other publications. I remember fondly the many challenging assignments I was given. This one assignment stands out in particular towering high over the rest.
Standdown 2006 was held on the weekend of June 23rd and 24th of that year. The convention of sorts was held in and around the National Guard Armory located at 1551 N. Kedzie in the center of the Humboldt Park neighborhood on Chicago’s wild West Side. Standdown, a military term for giving combat troops some ‘R & R’ (rest & relaxation), was a gathering place for area veterans who, despite their heroic sacrifices, found readjusting to civilian life difficult and or themselves living on the streets.
Standdown 2006 was a combined effort of area businesses to provide our heroes with some of the basic necessities such as free medical care, meals, housing and VA benefit information, along with other goods and services that many of us take for granted. I was asked by the publication I was writing for to cover this event. Though the actual event took place six years ago much if not most of the issues are still relevant. This event is staged annually in a number of American cities and is sponsored by the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs.
After parking my car near the armory, I trekked over to the Command Tent and introduced myself to Ms. Mary Ann Romeo the person in charge. I signed in then issued a press kit. Ms. Romeo walked me through the area where the event was being held. She introduced me to some of the other Standdown volunteers. The people I spoke with were exceptionally knowledgeable and friendly. Once I familiarized myself with what was going on, I walked through the various event tents to get a feel for the place and search for persons to interview.
The veterans, mostly men, were very hesitant at first to speak with me. It took me awhile to gain their confidence. Once I did the guys started to open up. I choose the barbershop area as my own personal ‘command center,’ briefly introduced myself, pulled up two folding chairs and placed one on each side of the long cafeteria table. With me on the other side I was open for business. One by one the guys waiting for their haircuts drifted towards the table to check me out. Once the vets sensed that I wasn’t some dumbass curiosity seeker but was genuinely interested in them as persons they started to talk. It was agreed that I wouldn’t ask them about their war stories though some would volunteer their combat experiences.
QUESTIONER:
Mr. Sanders were you drafted or did you enlist?
W. SANDERS:
‘I was drafted and served in the Army.’
QUESTIONER:
At the time you received your letter from Uncle Sam where were you living at the time?
W. SANDERS:
‘I was at 62nd and Kenwood on the South Side in Woodlawn.’
QUESTIONER:
How were your first days of Army life?
W. SANDERS:
‘Oh, man! It was so many rules you had to memorize and I was very lonely. It was my first time away from home. I was traumatized. Army life took me by surprise. It was like going to another planet and I didn’t know the language but I will say one thing that I did like about my training, Army life taught me to be a man to rely on myself…to take responsibility for my actions so it wasn’t all that bad.’
QUESTIONER:
What about Boot Camp could you tell me something about that?
W. SANDERS:
‘Boot Camp was something else-it was very hard but I found the classes to be very helpful especially later on in life. They taught us how to kill, to command other men. I got along fine with the guys I was with. It was a learning experience that I’ll never forget. But what really helped me was that it taught me how the value of teamwork. Once I got to Vietnam the stuff they taught me paid off big time. Yeah you can say that I liked Boot Camp.’
QUESTIONER:
So you served In Vietnam but during what years?
W. SANDERS:
‘From May of ’68 to May of ’69; I left the Army for good in December of ’69.’
QUESTIONER:
What was it like over there?
W. SANDERS:
‘Man it was hot so hot…even the air had the smell of death-death in the air. It took me all of one hour to adjust to know that my life was in danger…that I could get killed-I was suddenly scared to death. I didn’t want to die. For the first time in my life I said to myself, “man these people could kill you-they could shoot you. Even your CO (commanding officer) could blow you away if he thought you showed any signs of being a coward…no evidence, no court martial, no trial-just-POW! and you-are-HISTORY!’
QUESTIONER:
Wow, man, that’s some amazing stuff…so you was ‘in country’ (combat) and a’ what unit did you serve with and what was your CO like to fight with?
W. SANDERS:
‘Captain Billy V. was great-a damn great man and born to lead. If it wasn’t for him I and a lot of other guys wouldn’t be alive to day. Hell I’d be dead! This is how he saved all our lives…before he would send us in the field he would call in air strikes to drop napalm, Huey’s with mini-guns, artillery strikes, You name it the captain would call it in so that once we marched into the combat zone there would be nobody left alive to give us trouble. Captain V wanted to make sure that we all walked out of the jungle in one piece. His way of doing things was so unlike the many gung-ho John Wayne types who would try to find the enemy and get shot to hell in the process. Our CO wouldn’t do that. He led by example; if we had to go out on patrols he would lead the way. If we took two steps he would take two steps. That’s the kinda’ man he was.
‘When we got back to the LZ (landing zone) he would make sure that we all had something hot to eat. There’d be steaks! Cold beer! Pizza! Everything and if we had other urges he’d let us go to town to take care of those needs to. (laughing)
‘He was a great one for R & R. He made sure that nobody was skipped unless it was necessary then he would either make it up to them or give them double time…one hellofva’ great guy.
‘You know under his command we had very few casualties, true some guys got hurt by booby traps but very few dead bodies under his command-the man just wouldn’t stand for it-a real life saver…He didn’t want to loose a single person ‘in country’ (combat zone).’
QUESTIONER:
When you got home how did your family, civilian friends, neighbors, and your boss treat you?
W. SANDERS:
‘They were glad to see me alive and in one living piece. They really admired me for what I did. They were very happy.’
QUESTIONER:
What was it like going back to work when you got home?
W. SANDERS:
‘Well…it was difficult at first…it was a big change ’cause everything back home had changed but you know its’ hard to talk about this to non-military people. They just don’t understand. Oh they try but they just don’t get it. I found a job but I couldn’t keep it. I had a lot of problems no so much from where I worked but my health got worse from that Agent Orange-it made a lot of guys sick-did you know that that stuff automatically gives you diabetes? Yeah it does-diabetes-I’m a diabetic from that shit. I was so sick most of the times from that I just couldn’t hold down a job anymore. Sure people tried to help me but I was always sick to sick to work so I had to let it go.’
QUESTIONER:
Why didn’t you sue the Army or the government for damages?
W. SANDERS:
‘We couldn’t. For them to give us compensation, they told us that what we had as ‘Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.’ They did this to avoid paying us for damages had we sued them for.’
QUESTIONER:
Were you ever homeless during any part of the time when you left the Army?
W. SANDERS:
‘No thank God but a lot of other guys were.’
QUESTIONER:
Do you have any plans for your future?
W. SANDERS:
‘No not many…I just want to go on with my VA treatments and buy a home for my family.’
QUESTIONER:
How can we ordinary citizen’s help out?
W. SANDERS:
‘Just please don’t degrade us. Write letters to Congress asking them to stop the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, put pressure on Congress so that they will give us our rightful benefits, stop all senseless killing that’s going on over there…its’ such a waste …a useless waste of human lives…always support the Veterans but never war.’
QUESTIONER:
Thanks for sharing. (We shook hands. Shortly afterwards he took his turn in the barbers’ chair.)
As I watched the guys sitting, talking, and waiting their turns for their hair cuts I couldn’t but notice the free exchange of camaraderie among the veterans a type of human sharing that was so rare in civilian society. As I watched these seemingly happy men, with a tiny few solemn faced women among the ranks, I sensed that theirs’ was a world that could only be shared among those who have experienced the awful hell of war.
Soon I was joined by another veteran who wanted to share his story. He sat in the small folding chair across the table from me. After we shook hands and briefly introduced ourselves, he told me his story.
QUESTIONER:
Were you drafted or did you join up and what branch of the service did you sign up for?
S. HARRISON:
‘I enlisted in the Army. I was living on the West Side when I graduated from high school.’
QUESTIONER:
Why did you join the Army?
S. HARRISON:
‘Man I had a family to support and with no jobs around I really had very little choice.’
QUESTIONER:
Once you were in the Army how military life did affect you?
S. HARRISON:
‘Well for one thing it was rough, especially Boot Camp, but it was a great experience and I learned a whole lot. The only hard part was when we all had to go through poison gas survival training-now that was hard. Basic was a challenge but I loved it; I didn’t like the gas part not at all.’
QUESTIONER:
Which war did you serve in?
S. HARRISON:
‘I was in the peace time Army.’
QUESTIONER:
Where were you stationed at?
S. HARRISON:
‘I did Basic at Ft. Jackson in Florida, then I got sent to Ft. Lee for AIT (Advanced Individual Training) then they sent me to Ft. Louis in Washington State for my first duty assignment.’
QUESTIONER:
Could you tell me about some of your most memorable experiences while you were in the Army?
S. HARRISON:
‘When I put on that uniform for the first time man I was so proud!’
QUESTIONER:
When did you get out of the Army?
S. HARRISON:
‘I got my discharge in 1983 but served in the reserves until 1986.’
QUESTIONER:
When you got out how did things go with your family and friends?
S. HARRISON:
‘Oh they gave me a real nice party and kidded me about my time in the Army but it was all in good fun; nothing personal.’
QUESTIONER:
Did you go back to work when you got out?
S. HARRISON:
‘It took me a whole year just to adjust and when I did go back to work they gave me a job working with Human Services. I worked at Hines Veterans Hospital as a work therapist.’
QUESTIONER:
How did you become homeless?
S. HARRISON:
‘I till ya’ like it was…I got caught up in that street life. I started drinking, doing drugs, everything until I lost it all.’
QUESTIONER:
What’s it like living on the streets?
S. HARRISON:
‘It-is-not-good…I sleep on trains, parks, wherever I can. I do some day labor work and I get outpatient treatment at the VA Hospital.’
QUESTIONER:
Could you tell me how can we ordinary folks help the homeless?
S. HARRISON:
‘People can be pretty mean to us. They beat us up, they cut our pockets so we loose what little money that we have…they just treat us mean…we only want respect…is that too much to ask? We need jobs…we need job opportunities.’
QUESTIONER:
I have one more question to ask you but before I do am there anything you would like to add that I’ve not covered in our interview?
S. HARRISON:
‘Yes there is; I’m trying to stay off drugs and the drinking. I want to go back to school to be a drug or homeless counselor.’
Our conversation ended when I got up and shook his hand. Then I took out my small notepad and wrote down some names and addresses of places I knew that would offer him the training that he wanted. I wished him well. After a short while my chair was filled with another veteran who wanted to tell the world his story.
QUESTIONER:
Why did you join the Army?
R. HIGGINS:
‘You really wanna’ know why?’
QUESTIONER:
Yeah-shoot.
R. HIGGINS:
‘I wanted to kill people but I didn’t want to go to jail for it for it. But I later found out that killing a person is very different from just talking about it. After I killed my first man I felt really guilty…real bad-you see anybody can want to kill a person but it’s different once you actually do it. Then its not a game any-more…I still feel bad…but more on that as we talk.’
QUESTIONER:
Could you tell me about some of your first days the Army and what were they like?
R. HIGGINS:
‘Well for one thing-it was different-very different living with other guys. We didn’t do nothin’ the first two weeks I was in Basic.’
QUESTIONER:
What was Boot Camp (Basic Training) like for you?
R. HIGGINS:
‘I hated it…couldn’t stand it. I didn’t like the drill sergeant screaming, cursing, and yelling at me all the time-AIT (Advanced Individual Training) was okay but Boot Camp positively sucked.’
QUESTIONER:
Did you fight in one of the wars?
R. HIGGINS:
‘Nope, I was sent to Germany-West Germany in those days-the Cold War.’
QUESTIONER:
Since you didn’t see combat did-
R. HIGGINS:
‘I know I told you that when I was in the Army it was during peace time but I did so some combat. It was when we were doing border duty along the then East and West German border. One night we were raided by some German (East) terrorists. We managed to fight ‘em off but not before they killed my best buddy. They shot him in the head. They killed a number of our people that night.
‘I used to go to East Berlin all the time. You had to go through ‘Checkpoint Charlie.’ The East Germans would let you walk 13 blocks inside their country but no more than those 13 blocks. When I left Europe and got assigned to South Korea, I was again doing border patrol this time at Panmunjom near North Korea. At night the North Koreans used to climb over the fence and attack us. We used to kill plenty of ‘em. The really nasty part was the morning after. We would have to remove the bodies of these dead guys off the wire. It was a real mess since they would get hung up and we’d have to tear them off-very nasty work. I killed a number of them…really messy work.’
QUESTIONER:
Could you tell me about some of your most memorable experiences-nothing private of course.
R. HIGGINS:
‘Yeah sure, when I was in Germany I got a side job working as a DJ. I worked nights. I would DJ and I got to drink for free. I used to let all my buddies in the place and it was great and the women-damn!’
QUESTIONER:
When did you leave the Army?
R. HIGGINS:
‘Left in ’82 then did my remaining years in the Inactive Reserves.’
QUESTIONER:
Any problems when you got out?
R. HIGGINS:
‘Nope-not at first. They came later.’
QUESTIONER:
Did you go back to work?
R. HIGGINS:
‘Yeah sure…I enjoyed getting back to normal to doing ordinary things that ordinary people do. I was glad to be going back to work; never had any problems with the boss. I was raised to respect authority-Catholic upbringing you know-so taking orders was not a problem.’
QUESTIONER:
How did you become homeless?
R. HIGGINS:
‘I got fired after me and the guy who owned the company and I got into it (a fight). When I got home and told my old lady she just kicked me out of the house. That’s how I ended up on the street and that was that.’
QUESTIONER:
What’s it really like being homeless?
R. HIGGINS:
‘Well I’ll tell you…first I got my wallet stolen; there went all my money but once I met other guys and got to know the ropes it really wasn’t all that bad. One thing I can say about Chicago you may not have a roof over your head or a job but you sure as hell won’t starve to death. There is a group of us. We look out for each other. We watch each others stuff and make sure that nobody messes with any of us. During weekends church groups visit us and we get fed, I know about every place in Chicago where we can eat for free-you gotta’ be resourceful or you won’t last. Living on the streets is only bad when it’s cold out. During winter it’s rough.’
QUESTIONER:
Do you ever plan for life after homelessness?
R. HIGGINS:
‘I would like to work with other homeless vets. I’d like to see that they get all their benefits including regular increases. Once I get on my feet I want to buy a three or four flat building and rent it out the guys.’
QUESTIONER:
How can we PFC’s (Plain F*****g Civilians) help you guys out?
R. HIGGINS:
‘Well for one thing people in this city, and I don’t mean homeless people but ordinary folks need affordable housing. Rent in this city is too damn high. Americans always seem to care more about what’s happening overseas but don’t give a rat’s a** about their own people. You’re supposed to care about your own kind first.’
After thanking him for his time, I started to prepare another questionnaire. Mr. Higgins went back to his original seat to wait his turn for his free haircut. I waited until another veteran volunteered to join me. One man did sit down for a very brief moment and gave me a one word summary of what it’s like to be homeless.
QUESTIONER:
Sir, could you give me a minute? I know you got someplace to go but all I want is a minute of your time. I won’t ask you to sit down but could you-
VETERAN:
‘Shitty.’
He soon went on his way when another veteran took the chair.
QUESTIONER:
Sir was you drafted or did you enlist?
L. VERNOY:
‘I was in the Navy so I enlisted…I was single at the time of my enlistment living with my aunt.’
QUESTIONER:
Why did you join the Navy?
L. VERNOY:
‘Well for one thing I hated the Marines and despised the Army. I joined the Navy to see the world.’
QUESTIONER:
Do you recall your first days in service and what they were they like?
L. VERNOY:
‘It was scary…very, very scary.’
QUESTIONER:
And why was this?
L. VERNOY:
‘The surroundings…all those men from other places-for one thing I wasn’t used to people telling me what to do. I wasn’t used to being disciplined.’
QUESTIONER:
Could you tell me about Boot Camp?
L. VERNOY:
‘I can’t compare it with anything-I just can’t man…you have no idea-ya’ just can’t compare it with anything. Complete culture shock and very, very…racist.’
QUESTIONER:
When you served in the Navy where were you stationed?
L. VERNOY:
‘I was never in any war though when I was in the Navy the War in Viet Nam was going strong. I got stationed aboard an aircraft carrier.’
QUESTIONER:
What was life like aboard one of those floating cities?
L. VERNOY:
‘The job I did was pretty cool…and I got to see a lot of world…different cultures, lands, whatever but it was the blatant racism against blacks-the brothers-that really stood out. The white officers treated the brothers so bad just because they were black. The good part about all that negativity was that all the brothers stuck together. We looked out for each other. Unlike the ‘Black-on-Black’ s*** that goes on out here.’
QUESTIONER:
When you finally left the Navy how were you treated then?
L. VERNOY:
‘Maaaaannn they treated us like the s*** some of those hippies threw at us. We were like criminals and we didn’t do anything wrong. The Navy taught us how to hate ourselves while we were in the Navy and we didn’t need any more shit when we left the Navy. That’s how bad it was back in day (the past).’
QUESTIONER:
Do you think that things changed a lot since you left the service?
L. VERNOY:
‘No; I got people who tell me that very little has changed since I left but its’ bad! We used to drink just to kill the pain when we were in. It took me years just to get my head straight. The Navy rules by intimidation.’
Before I could ask him further questions he left the table saying that he had people waiting for him. We never got to finish his interview. I didn’t have to wait long for my first Marine of the day to ease into my chair and start talking.
QUESTIONER:
I don’t have to ask whether or not you enlisted. You’re a Marine. At the time of your enlistment where were you living at the time?
E. T. PEGUES:
‘I had my own apartment-I was always independent-I was always on my own.’
QUESTIONER:
Why did you join the Corps?
E.T. PEGUES:
‘My best friend talked me into it. We were part of what they call the Buddy System. We would do our service
together.’
QUESTIONER:
What were your first days like?
E.T. PEGUES:
(He started laughing.) ‘Hell pure and simple as that…just hell…it was hell being a Black Marine.’
QUESTIONER:
And why was that?
E. T. PEGUES:
(Mr. Pegues gave me a litany of all of the many abuses that African-Americans suffered that they’re Caucasian corpsmen didn’t. He cited the extra punishment, verbal harassment, and many other civil rights violations that he, along with other Black men had to put up with when in the Marine Corps.)
QUESTIONER:
Man that totally…SUCKS! Did you experience anything positive you’d like to share during your enlistment?
E.T. PEGUES:
‘Hell no! Like the Navy those mother******* ruled by fear and intimidation!’
I waited a few moments for him to ‘chill out’ (cool down). After about four minutes we resumed our interview.
QUESTIONER:
When you got out how did your family, friends, and neighbors react to you?
E.T. PEGUES:
(He sighed.) ‘Whew…I just left…they talked me into coming back saying that they would redo my service contract but when I was discharged I had so much bad paper on me that finding a job was next to impossible. But I wasn’t by myself, this happened to a lot of Black Marines. All the mental abuse from whites got to be too much that I deserted…I just got up and walked out. To this day I’m in pain…so much pain from the abuse I had to take when I was in the Marines! After years of having the military drum into my head that I’m worthless! I’m no good! I just cracked! I couldn’t take it anymore so I just left…’
It was at this point in our discussion that he showed me his military papers and the secret code affixed to all discharge papers that tells perspective employers of a candidates’ undesirable qualities thus rendering it next to impossible for that particular veteran to get decent employment. I have a close relative who endured similar treatment from the Air Force. To this day this person have been so stigmatized that he’s limited to doing only the most menial jobs and this all started during the 1960’s! The American military like the penal system have long memories. They don’t forgive nor forget-ever. When he was finished we continued our discussion.
QUESTIONER:
Now that you’re out of the Corps what do you want to do with the rest of your life?
E.T. PEGUES:
‘I come from a long line of family who were and are entrepreneurs! All of us! Me included. We pride ourselves at never having to rely on food stamps and other government handouts! What I need…what other veterans’ homeless or marginalized people need are real jobs! They don’t want to sling burgers for a living! We need adult jobs! We wanted to be treated like men real men not children! It’s bad out here and it’s getting worse. I ain’t getting any better. Its time that the government stop lying to the American people! They lie and tell the media to sugar coat its lies! Stop the bull****!! Not all Black men are drug dealers, pimps, and basketball addicts! We want jobs! We want opportunities! I know of a lot of brothers who would gladly stop selling drugs if they could have work…real work. The American media could help by simply ADDRESSING THE ISSUES AND STOP LYING TO THE PEOPLE!!’
The interview ended here. I can certainly relate to what this man had to say. I remember my own college years when I was fresh out of Loyola University with a high GPA, wore a suit and tie, and spoke Harvard English but could never get a job commensurate to my skills. I was always told by white interviewers that I was ‘over qualified’ which was a blatant lie for ‘niggers need not apply.’
I can also relate when during my many years as a Chicago Public School teacher when during class discussions some of my black male honor roll students would tell me that if when they graduate and couldn’t find decent work they would sell drugs. But where there’s a will there’s a way out. Education is a vital key out from poverty but education by itself is only part of the solution. Unless this country lives up to its’ ideals the American Dream will remain just that an empty illusion until another more moral and stronger civilization with better dreams and actualized ideals shove us aside and in to the dustbin of history.