I’m on a few dating sites on the internet. On Date Hookup, I’m VeggieGardener, on Plenty of Fish, I’m ButchofLockhart,There’s only a few that I check fairly regular.
Plenty of Fish is one that I check regular. Anyway a friend got me to thinking about divorce because my friend may be going through one. I still believe that dating is for the purpose of marriage, the one husband-one wife applies to dating the same as it does to marriage, in my opinion. I also think this idea that you have to wait forever (a year, 7 years, whatever) to “get to know” the other person is hogwash introduced by psychologists (psychicologists) like Dr. James Dobson, who talso eaches the false, anti-Christian doctrine of self-esteem. You can get to know a person enough to marry them in just a few dates. Look at the 24th chapter of Genesis. There were no dates at all.
Personally, I will not date someone who drinks (though I may befriend her), I prefer not to date someone who smokes (but if she’s respectful about it, I will). And at one time I would only date a divorcee if either she or her ex were not Christians at the time of the divorce and it was the non-Christian that wanted the divorce. That, not adultery, I believe, is the only scriptural reason for divorce. The non-Christian can simply go his or her way. I still believe that the number one cause of divorce is that one and most likely both parties are being disobedient to the will of God.
My position on Drinking has a little to do with something that happened to me in 1997, which I don’t want to take a chance on happening again. A false arrest in Williamson County, Texas for DWI. And a court appointed attorney that was even worse. I was genuinely innocent and the case was dismissed, it was never about getting me “off”. I was genuinely innocent. I don’t drink alcoholic beverages at all But in addition, my dad was an alcoholic, so I don’t want to take a chance there, either. Also, people who drink have very little control over their bodies or even their minds. If something were to happen, and she had been drinking, it would not be her, it would be the alcohol speaking and acting. Drinking is not a sin, but it sure is stupid.
I would rather also date women who do not smoke, but here I’m willing to compromise a little. Though nasty, and in some ways worse than drinking, if the woman is respectful in the way she handles it And if her cigarettes do not smell like illegal drugs to me then I’m willing to try.. Unlike drinking a woman who smokes is in control of her mind. If she is “uninhibited”, it is her and not the cigarette that makes her uninhibited. When a woman drinks, it is the alcohol that makes the woman uninhibited.
On divorce, I’m changing my mind a little, though I’ve got some of my own personal rules. I still think divorce is sin and against God’s will. But when Jesus answered the question about divorce he was talking to and answering the Pharisees, who according to verse 3 of Matt. 19:1-11were tempting him. In Matt. 5:31-32 Jesus clearly states that divorce is wrong and that it is wrong to marry someone who has been divorced.
2nd Cor. 3:6 states that we are ministers of the New Testament, not of the letter, but of the spirit. Rom. 2:29 also states that it is the spirit and not the letter. The context there is circumcision and how some of the Jewish believers wanted the Gentile believers to be circumcised.
By the way, this is the problem with “the law is the law is the law” folks, they want to enforce the letter and often do so at the expense of the spirit of the law. But the above verses apply to all of scripture, including divorce. But we also have to be careful, because if we apply this concept to divorce, then we must also apply it to other sins, like homosexuality and that can create a problem.
But I still have a few of my own rules for dating those who are divorced. 1) She should not hate her ex, she should be talking to him and even loving him with agape love. 2) It should have been at least 7 years since her divorce 3) her ex must be remarried and 4) It should be her only divorce.
Conclusion: Divorce is wrong, but it is not the unforgivable sin, though most divorces are acts of unforgiveness, which is anti-scriptural. The spirit of the law, not the letter of the law applies to divorcees as well as anyone else.
Oh, by the way, I would date someone who had broken the law, even seriously, and repented of that sin.