What are some pregnant men jokes

What are some pregnant men jokes

http://www.chacha.com/question/what-are-some-pregnant-men-jokes

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. ChaCha

Is This a Joke? A Man is PREGNANT?

http://www.healthkicker.com/720934708/is-this-a-joke-a-man-is-pregnant/

I thought I had seen it all – honestly, I really did. Aside from a gunshot wound, I’ve met or heard of someone with just about every physical ailment or problem you could possibly have. However, you learn something new everyday. Scott Moore…

Related Questions Answered on Y!Answers

Some Jokes! Hope You Like Them?

Q: A few jokes… some you may find rude! sorry!—A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.”No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”Joke Number 2;;;On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”The kid replies, “Yeah.”The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.”The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.”The kid continued, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”—J0K3 NUMB3R THR33;;;;Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met. Sitting at a café, the little old man says, “Remember the first time I met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind.” “Why, yes, I remember it well, dear,” replies the little old lady with a grin. “Well, for old time’s sake, let’s go there again. and I’ll give you one from behind.”The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady’s hips, and the little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don’t move for an hour. Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this — not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences. Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, “I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years’ time!” The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.He says, “Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What’s your secret? Could you shag like that 50 years ago?” The pensioner replies, “Son, 50 years ago, that fucking fence wasn’t electrified.”—————————J0K3 NUMB3R F0UR!!!A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?””About 35,” was the reply.”I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy.After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.The reply is, “Oh, you look about 29”.”I am actually 47.”Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.She replies, “I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age.”As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.Ten minutes later, the old lady says, “Okay, it’s done. You are 47.”Stunned, the man says, “That was brilliant. How did you do that?”The old lady replies, “I was behind you at McDonalds.”Ok so theres a few, star if you like and tell me your favourites if you liked them that is.

A: omg they were great thanks for the laugh x

What are some really funny pregnancy jokes?

Q: I think these are really funny, right up there with dumb blonde jokes! Do you have any pregnant jokes? Pleeeease? Heres one i think is funny.A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that they’d developed a new machine and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother’s burden.Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he’d ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level.The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 and finally 100 percent.After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little. Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home.It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.

A: rofl!!! here’s some:An American man is riding a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the American has children. The American says no.”Ah, so sad,” says the European. “Your wife, she is impregnable?” “Well, um, that’s not exactly the word,” says the American. “Oh!” interrupts the European. “I mean, she is inconceivable?” “Um, not quite –” the American begins, only to be interrupted again. “Oh, no, that isn’t right,” says the European. “She is, what is it, she is unbearable?” “Well, actually, that’s pretty much sums it up,” says the American.Edward was in problem, he called up a doctor, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 5 minutes apart!”The doctor asked, “Is this her first child?”Edward was enraged, “No! This is her husband!”

Am i pregnant? men help i think you know more……..?

Q: i make love with my husband to be. After we finishes he then told me that he has make me pregnant or i got pregnant at that time & he take it as he was joking but i dont know whether he was serious or not. What i use to believe is that some other man dont want to tell their women when they make them pregnant, they want women to tell them if they find that they are preg. so i thougt that he dont want to tell me if he did so or he want to see how honest i am my question is? do man can feel if they make a women pregnant. and me am i pregnant, i have not go to the doctor yet bcos it happens 3 days ago, i will see the doctor after 2 weeks please help by your own opinion what may be it please please

A: the chance isnt 99.9%was he using a condom? if yes then no your not pregnantwas he not? then it is possiblein any case he can not feel or some how magically know you are pregnant. also women know more about this than men. also your future husband sounds like a jackass. go see the doctor in two weeks like u said