What are some Giving birth jokes

What are some Giving birth jokes

http://www.chacha.com/question/what-are-some-giving-birth-jokes

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural ? A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant

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How do you rate these jokes? (some may be old, just to referesh your minds) But stars please?

Q: 1 A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, “I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father.” So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said “I feel okay turn it up a lot more” so the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said “why dont you just put it all on me cause Im not feeling a thing” but the doctor warned them “this much could kill you if your not prepared”, and the husband replied “I am ready “so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didnt fell a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!.2.Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, ” my wife was reading a “tale of two cities” and she gave birth to twins””Thats funny”, the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the three musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets”The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, ” When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves”!!!3. Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, “Congratulations, you got twins.” The man said “How strange, I’m the manager of Minnesota Twins.” After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, “Congratulations, you got triplets.” Man was like “Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the “3 musketeers.” Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says “Congratulations, you got twins x2.” Man is happy and says, “Ironic, I work for the hotel “4 Seasons.” All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what’s wrong and he answered, “What’s wrong? I work for 7up”!4.A man who’s wife was pregnant couldn’t bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.So he thought he’d ring up later to see if it had come yet.He rang up and the nurse said “it’s a girl buttheres another one on the way”he rang again later and the nurse said “it’s another girl but there’s another coming” he rang once more and the nurse said ” it’s a boy but there’s another coming”He couldn’t stand it any more so he went to the pub and got drunk.An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. he asked ” how many did we get mate” the person said “198 all out…. and the last one was a duck”

A: haha hilarious

How abt some Jokes……?

Q: Sachin Tendulkar and Vinod Kambli have been very close friends since childhood. They used to do all things together, e.g., both started going to school together, both passed their SSC exams together (with identical marks), both started playing cricket together, both were selected to the Bombay Ranji cricket team together, both went to college together, and both ended up joining the Indian cricket team together. Finally, both got engaged (to different girls) together and both decided to get married on the same day.After that, both their wives get pregnant on the same day and the doctor gives the same delivery date for both. On the delivery date, Kambli’s wife gives birth to a boy while Sachin’s wife gives birth to twins! Kambli gets confused. He goes to Sachin and says, “How come? We have been doing the same things all our life. How come I get a son and you get twins?” When Sachin replies, “Boost is the secret of my energy”, Dhoni appears behind them and adds, “Our energy”.———————————-#What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68? At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!! ———————————-#Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.The officer says, “Do you have a fishing license?”Banta replies, “Don’t need a license, this is my pet fish.””Pet fish?” the officer asked.Banta answers, “Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home.””That’s a bunch of baloney, fish can’t do that.”Banta looks at the officer and says, “You want me to show you?”Very curious now, the officer says, “O.K. I’ve got to see this”Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, “Well?””Well, What?” Banta says.The Officer asks, “Are you going to call your fish back?””Fish! What fish?” Banta responds.————————————#Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a partyAfter several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.Those who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, ‘My son is my pride and joy. He started working at asuccessful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics andBusiness Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and nowhe’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his bestfriend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.’The second guy said, ‘Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. Hestarted working for a big airline, then went to f light school to become a pilot.Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of itsassets He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for hisbirthday.’The third man said: ‘Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the bestuniversities and became an engineer. Then he started his own constructioncompany and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice andexpensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.’The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from therestroom and asked: ‘What are all the congratulations for?’One of the three said: ‘We were talking about the pride we feel for thesuccesses of our sons. …What about your son?’The fourth man replied: ‘My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripperat a nightclub.’The three friends said: ‘What a shame… what a disappointment .’The fourth man replied: ‘No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him. And hehasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received abeautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the lineMercedes from his three boyfriends.’—————————————#How to grow up a Child to make him/her Absolutely Charming, Beautiful, Adorable, Nice, Lovely, Kind, Generous, Soft-spoken, Sweet, Cute, Funny, Thoughtful, Truthful & Extremely Intelligent????? ——– Ask my Parents!!!!!………………………..#No,……..the Last one is True…hahahh lol…….kiddin……but true…

A: *Liked the “banta” one …. Lol !!~☺

What are some really funny pregnancy jokes?

Q: I think these are really funny, right up there with dumb blonde jokes! Do you have any pregnant jokes? Pleeeease? Heres one i think is funny.A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that they’d developed a new machine and asked if the couple would like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the mother’s burden.Well, they thought that was a good idea, and decided to give it a try. The doctor initially set the machine on 10 percent, telling the man that even 10 percent was probably more pain than he’d ever experienced. But the husband was surprised at how little pain he was feeling, and asked the doctor to raise the level.The doctor increased it to 20 percent, and when the man still felt fine, he raised it to 50 and finally 100 percent.After it was all over, the man stood up, and stretched a little. Both he and his wife felt fine, and they shortly left the hospital to take the baby home.It was then that they found the mailman dead on their doorstep.

A: rofl!!! here’s some:An American man is riding a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the American has children. The American says no.”Ah, so sad,” says the European. “Your wife, she is impregnable?” “Well, um, that’s not exactly the word,” says the American. “Oh!” interrupts the European. “I mean, she is inconceivable?” “Um, not quite –” the American begins, only to be interrupted again. “Oh, no, that isn’t right,” says the European. “She is, what is it, she is unbearable?” “Well, actually, that’s pretty much sums it up,” says the American.Edward was in problem, he called up a doctor, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 5 minutes apart!”The doctor asked, “Is this her first child?”Edward was enraged, “No! This is her husband!”